A Stopping Spot

A New Year

2011-01-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm really not ready for a new year. I still need rest from the "old" one. Truth be told, I'd like to just bury my head in the sand. But, apparently that's not an option. I am looking forward to the next three weeks. The kids are in school all day, but I don't start until the last week of the month. I'm hoping to get some rest, accomplish some cleaning, and catch up with friends, all of which are much needed.

I'm not a New Year's resolution girl, but I did make one this year...drink more water! Maybe I should add "keep up with my blog," but I'll have to see how the semester rolls!

Many wishes for blessings this year.

What to do, what to do...

2010-08-04T08:12:00.000-06:00

I normally sleep really well. I consider it a particular blessing in life as I know many people who consistently struggle to get a good night's sleep.

Last night I could sympathize with some of my sleepless friends. I woke up around midnight and didn't manage to get back to sleep until about 3:30. My mind started racing and for a period of time it was in a wild panic. About what? Money. Plain and simple. This fall I'm taking out my first loan as I continue to work on my Master's degree. By the time I'm done, I'll have a sizable debt load. Honestly, it probably wouldn't be a problem if it were a business degree. But, it's a rather less practical degree in Old Testament! Add to that that I'm a woman approaching middle age with children that need braces (initial consultation scheduled for next week) and a host of other family needs. So often, when I look at what I'm doing it seems supremely impractical. The likelihood of a related job upon completion of my degree (that will help me pay off the debt I incur in the process) is not high.

Well, much to think over at this point. I think I'll go grab some coffee first, though.

As Is...

2010-07-11T21:37:00.001-06:00

"Dream God-sized dreams" is a phrase I've heard for most of my life in the church. There's nothing wrong with dreaming big. In fact, I am often so overwhelmed with the requirements of life that I fail to look up and see the bigger story taking place around me. Yet, when these big dreams thwart individuals from experiencing the everyday glory of life, when the visions eliminate engagement in the "real" world, we've missed the point.

Krista Finch, in her spiritual memoir As Is: Unearthing Commonplace Glory, seeks to identify God's presence amidst the boring, messy, and ultimately beautiful parts of life. These are the moments we we normally forget to invite God to and as a result continually fail to see his faithful presence. Finch's descriptions and observations are easy to relate to, made particularly charming in her presentation.

Although this book could be read in a few short sittings, it is better enjoyed in snippets. A story or two at a time, savored and explored. Each one a reminder of the beauty, fear, and mess inextricably mixed with glory too often neglected.

My favorite story of the book closes with a quote that resonates with me. Finch states, "...hope is an odd cat. That's probably why we don't entertain her very often. Everything around us tells us not to invite her in. Hospitals can't heal, wars don't end, bonds won't mend. We've asked hope to come, and she has left us high and dry. Why would we summon that kind of company; the kind of company that shows up late, brings rude friends, or ignores our requests altogether? Hope just doesn't look like we think she should look. She changes her hair color and gets a new wardrobe just when we start to recognize her." (p. 116).

That's just what I found in this book; hope. Hope that God is active in the little details, the things overlooked and considered unworthy. Glory is found in those very moments.

An Introvert's Dilemna

2010-06-11T06:58:00.000-06:00

I've noticed over the last several weeks and underlying longing to encircle myself with home, books, and the lovely comforts of all that is familiar and safe. I thought at first that it was simply catching up from a long semester with lots of my own school work on top of the responsibilities of being a mom. But, week after week, this tendency continues to assert itself, crowding out full enjoyment of almost any activity that takes me away from my "quiet spot." (Granted, my "quiet spot," home, is much less quite now that my three kiddos are out of school as well).

As I've been thinking about this draw to home, I've reflected on a quote from the book Traveling with Pomegranates. Here, Sue Monk Kidd makes a statement that resonates with me at the moment. She states, "At times like this, I feel the small curse of my introspective nature and its obstinate demands, how it wants to be allowed, wants my unhurried and undivided attention, how the moments of life insist on being metabolized and given expression. As usual, having failed to stop and tend to this unmitigated part of myself, it has stopped me." (p. 218).

Like the author, I'm tempted to push past my melancholy. To skip the searching and resting that my introverted nature requires at this time. But, in doing so, I deny part of who I am, who God made me to be. I push past my fundamental need to process, think, and absorb.

I've often wished that I wasn't an introvert, that I didn't have these tendencies. But I am, and I do. So, for today anyway, I give myself permission to stop and tend to myself. That decision sparks a sneaky little smile from my introverted self!

Summer Vacation!

2010-06-05T07:37:00.000-06:00

My summer vacation began a few weeks back. That was a good thing as apparently I needed a full three weeks to be available for end-of-school activities for my kids. From Field Day, Reader's Theater's and parties, it's been a busy and fun few weeks, capped off last night by Aaron's 9th birthday celebrated at the Denver Aquarium. Much fun!

There's something truly wonderful about summer vacation in the eyes through the eyes of children. Who's not excited about 2 1/2 months off to swim, play and vacation? I consider myself very blessed at this stage of life to be able to join them!

Off to enjoy a lazy Saturday!

Celebrate!

2010-05-11T11:03:00.000-06:00

The end of the semester is almost here and I have one (small) project left to submit. It's currently with an editor and should only take another half hour of my time once I get it back. So, I'm feeling in the mood to celebrate. Starting with a good book. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I have a good 2 1/2 months to enjoy!

Even better than the end of the semester is the call I received last night from the school's art teacher. At the art show next week, Nate will be honored as "Art Student of the Year" for 1st grade boys! It has been a hard fought year for Nate (and me). We've worked on so many things on the academic side that I never once gave a second thought to how Nate was doing in his specials classes (art, music, p.e.) I had no idea that this is an area of success for him. I'm so excited for him.

Great weekend!

2010-04-26T17:22:00.001-06:00

I can't believe it's been over a month since last posting. It's the busy time of the semester. Even though I'm only taking 4 credit hours, it still gets stressful.

I turn in my Hebrew paper tomorrow and then just have one project due after that. I am so excited for summer (not taking any classes)! I love the relaxed time to hang out with the kids and just enjoy life.

Eddie and I had a fabulous weekend away. We're at a transition point in our marriage. We now have elementary school children and I'm working my way (very, very slowly) back into the working world. In the midst of that, we're figuring out who we are as a couple again. We've had some bumps along the way over the last couple of years. Some of them big. We don't want those bumps to become what defines us, so we decided to do something about it.

We went on a marriage retreat through Marriage Encounter. I will be very upfront and tell you it's not really a retreat at all, except in getting away from your own home. It's not the traditional marriage seminar. It was really good for Eddie and I to take time for our relationship. I'm tempted to say we had a "great time." But, that doesn't really describe it. It was a worthwhile time. If you want or need to open up communication lines in your marriage, I encourage you to check out the link above. They are sponsored by various different denominations, so you can even choose a faith expression that fits best for you.

That's it for now. Hopefully, I'll come out of the cloud of school here shortly!

Ecclesiastes 9:11

2010-03-17T13:16:00.000-06:00

This last few months have been challenging for us. We've made some changes in our life and along with that have had a series of health issues impacting both our immediate and extended families. As I reflected on these things and the constant attention they are requiring at the moment, I thought of a verse in Ecclesiastes that I studied for devotional a few weeks back. I've included the devotional below.

I turned and saw under the sun that the race does not (go) to the swift or the battle to the mighty;
neither does food (belong) to the wise, or riches to the ones with understanding, or favor to the ones with knowledge, for all of them will encounter time and chance. Ecc. 9:11

In Ecclesiastes, The Preacher wrestles with the complexity of life in a broken world and poignantly expresses his frustration. His disillusionment drives him to lay aside personal pursuits and instead find hope in God’s providence.

The observations in this scripture address the collision of idealism and reality, of the way life should play out compared against the way it actually does. The Preacher has observed life and taken note of injustices. The first illustrations he provides are the swift runner and the mighty warrior. Despite their arduous training, neither is guaranteed victory in their area of expertise. So it is in the examples of those who hold wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Their insight gains them no assurances in life, not even the most elementary physical need of food. The cause of these seemingly incongruous scenarios is found in the concluding line. “Time” and “chance,” factors outside the control of individuals, are the wild card that demolishes the hopes of those with whom it crosses paths.

This scripture should give each believer pause. Western Christianity is inevitably impacted by the individualistic, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” philosophy that is a part of our wider culture. A strong work ethic and diligence in cultivating wisdom are important (9:10), but placing hope in our own ability to succeed will only end in frustration. Time and chance are inevitable factors in this broken world. They push against assumptions of what is right and just and will eventually topple our tower of expectations, leaving us broken in the rubble. There is no formula that ensures success, no blueprint to repel difficulty. Instead, there is God who holds the righteous and the wise in His hands (9:1). It is from this perspective, that of being held in God’s own hand, that we are able to see past the apparent futility of life and find both divine satisfaction and fulfillment.

Church Visitors: What NOT to do

2010-03-11T19:24:00.001-07:00

Visiting churches, especially when searching for a new faith community, is a varied and interesting process. As we've visited a couple churches in the last few weeks, and talked to several others who are experiencing similar situations, I simply had to share some things you don't want to do. You may never see these in a book, but they're important nonetheless!

1. Don't add one-time visitors to your church-wide e-mail distribution list. A nice "Hello, thanks for visiting..." e-mail is fine, but hold off on adding people to a general distribution list. Too much information too soon!

2. Don't ask parents to give their driver's license numbers, weight and other personal information in order to drop their kids off in the kids' church area.

3. Never chase first-time visitors out into the parking lot to give them a laminated card for their children to make check-in easier next week. Just don't do it.

4. If you offer sports programs as part of your church, don't serve communion to elementary school children during the program without talking to parents first. This message is especially for those of us from Evangelical backgrounds. Respect parents and families and save this for a different time and place.

With all these things in mind, I do have to say that we have been warmly welcomed at each place we visited. I have enjoyed this process and look forward, for the most part, of more visits to come. In the meantime, it's nice to have a bit of a laugh!

How about you? Have you had any similar church visiting experiences that stood out to you? I'd love to hear about it.

Spring

2010-03-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

I love Spring. I generally prefer Fall, but the reality is that after the cold greys and browns of winter, I long for the the sun, warmer temperatures, and flowers of Spring.

This week has been a wonderful glimpse of Spring. I know Winter will show its face a bit more before Spring is here to stay. But, in the meantime, I'm soaking up the sunshine with a smile on my face!

Where are we going again? A look at Deuteronomy 8

2010-02-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks back I posted about Deuteronomy 8:7. It really is a beautiful scripture.

For the Lord your God is bringing you to a good land, a land with streambeds (full of) water, springs and deep rivers flowing out from the valleys and the hills. (my translation)

This text and that immediately following are an example of God's desire to lavish provision on his people. The abundance of water, crops and minerals indicate a significant source of life and provision for their future. God had miraculously rescued Israel from slavery in Egypt and sustained them through forty years in the desert. He was now preparing to bring them into this land of promise. The verb "bringing" connotes ongoing rather than definitive activity. He has provided and sustained in difficult times, all the while preparing for this point of promise fulfillment. The land God has prepared for them is described as a "good land," full of good thing. The abundance of water is an indication that the land was a place they could flourish. The abundance of water is a welcome respite and a source of hope for those who have only known the arid climate of the wilderness. This verse indicates that God’s desire to bless and provide for his people flows as strong as the water promised to them in this new land.

God's promise here is profound. He sustained the Israelites through drought and slavery, simultaneously protecting and preparing them for the ultimate fulfillment of His covenant pledge. The final destination, the place to which God has been drawing them throughout this process, is overflowing with good things.

Deuteronomy is a message to God's covenant people and the promise is made to them as they end their time in the desert and prepare to take a hold of the promise made many generations ago to Abram. Believers generally consider heaven to be the "promised land" in the new covenant under Christ. It's often difficult to consider this world as the utopia described in this scripture. We see and hear about horrible tragedies and pervasive adversity on a daily basis. Brokenness is all around.

I wonder what the Israelites thought of God's promises as the labored in slavery to the Egyptians. I wonder if they questioned God's promise. I sure would have. We get a glimpse their reaction in Exodus 4:31. Moses returns to his people and tells them all that God has told him and shown him. They recognize that God was concerned about them and had seen their misery. They bowed down and worshiped him.

We don't always see it. In fact, there are times where there is nothing that we see that would register God's action in the events of our own lives or in the world. But here in Deut. 8:7, we see that God’s design is good and his activity in the course of life is palpable and continuous. It springs forth as a stream that will not dry up, flowing out of the deep well of God’s own character. We can trust God's character. When we can't see it, when the provision we need seems distant or non-existant, God is still working to accomplish his will.

The thing I was meant to do

2010-02-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading Traveling with Pomegranates. The authors, mother-daughter team of Sue Monk Kid and Ann Kidd Taylor, have written insightfully of their own journeys, both spiritual and physical.

As each story progressed, I found myself with much in common with Ann, at the time of the story a recent college grad trying to find her place and passion in life. A rejection letter from the graduate school of her choice catapulted her into a time of reevaluation. During this season, the voices of failure seemed to speak loudly to her, sending her into a season of depression. Over time, and with the support of her mother and boyfriend, she absorbs this loss and learns from it. Yet, finding and following her heart are no easy task. As she struggles with her calling, she makes an discerning observation, "Whatever it is I'm born to do, my fear of failing at it has almost become greater than my desire to figure out what it is." (p. 186) I've rolled this sentence over in my mind constantly since reading it. These could be my words. They definitely describe my thoughts.

She embraces her call - writing - and diligently works to develop her skills. The culmination is the publication of this book, the story of travels and of finding oneself. But just so people don't walk away thinking the resolution came easy, she notes in the conclusion that the book was published several years after the completion of their trips and her own personal discovery. She navigated the early years of marriage, the birth of her son and continued to nurse her own dreams until the time comes that she's ready.

Walking vicariously along on the journeys of this mother-daughter team, I was challenged to consider my own story. The various demands of time and attention appear to be a diversion, something in the way of achieving a dream. The desire to follow my own call seems at odds with the family I have chosen. But when I consider the pondering of Ann in the quote above, I realize that what I was born to do naturally and fundamentally includes both my personal dreams and the dreams I'm co-creating with my family. They are not divorced from each other, but somehow integrally woven together.

So it is with dreams. As much as most of us would love to have them come about in a vacuum, free of distraction, they work themselves out in the mundane of day to day life. It doesn't make it easy, but it certainly has its own reward!

Visiting Day 1

2010-02-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

Today was the first of what I have dubbed our "visiting days." For the first time since leaving Grace, we worshiped with a new faith community.

Before traipsing through the snow, we gathered close in our car and said a quick prayer. We then proceeded up the long brick walk to the old high school building in which the church meets, a massive brick structure with ornate columns framing the expansive front doors. The building certainly has a presence about it. We had arrived early, so once we arrived we had a bit of time to look around. Shortly, we were greeted by one of the lead pastors, who walked us down to the children's area. We checked the kids in and proceeded to the service.

While worshiping, a deep sense of peace and joy enveloped me. We have just begun this journey. This will not be our last stop, but it could be. That in itself was a significant message to us today.

Mothering

2010-02-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote a letter to a friend who is expecting her first child. I remember my first pregnancy. It was such a wonderful, special time. It was full of wonder and anticipation.

I had a difficult time writing the letter. I don't know how to put words on a page that describe what it is to be a parent, what it is to be a mother. It is beautiful and there are moments where that place of perfection is overwhelming. There are also moments when it is nothing like I ever dreamed it would be. It's messy, humbling, insanely repetitive. Mothering challenges my own selfishness. It can be difficult.

This week has been one of those where the beauty plays a secondary role to the the requirements I never expected. Those things I didn't think I had the strength for require strength from me. And somehow it happens. I'm able to do what I didn't think possible. Maybe that's the really amazing thing about being a mother. Somehow we draw power, wisdom and stamina to do what needs to be done on behalf of the lives entrusted to our care.

Where are we going again? A look at Deuteronomy 8

2010-02-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

I distinctly remember being 15 years old and sitting in my room in our little rental house in Missoula, MT. The carpet as an old green shag and the window looked out to a pretty garden and the hills just outside the city. I opened my Bible, daring God to show me that he actually had a plan in the chaos of my life. We were just a couple nights away from our 3rd move in 2 years. That would be four different states and a total of five different Junior High and High Schools in that same period. I was angry and overwhelmed.

I flicked the Bible open to Deuteronomy, thinking God was going to have a pretty rough time talking to me through THAT book of the Bible. Little did I know...

I opened up to Deuteronomy 8 and stopped at verse 7, utterly amazed at what I read.

I am bringing you to a good land; a land of stream beds full of water, a land of springs and deep rivers flowing out from the valleys and the hills. (my translation).

That's one moment in my life that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God cared about me. I was an insecure, self-absorbed, desperate teen and God cared enough about me to meet me in that corner room with the shag carpet, to comfort me and let me know that despite the unknown and my personal fears, God was bringing me to a good place. And it was just that. It was a good place.

In the book of Deuteronomy, the people are called to "remember" what God has done for them over and over again. God had miraculously worked on behalf of the Hebrew people in bringing them out of Egypt, in providing for them in the wilderness and was now preparing them to enter the land of promise. The call to remember was essentially a call to worship. Remembering what God has done plays the same role in our lives. As I look into our future wondering what it will entail and feel those same sensations of insecurity I did way back when, I also remember the times God met me and guided me in the past. I can trust God. I know that the place I am going will be a "good land."

More thoughts on Deuteronomy 8 to come...

Trying this again!

2010-02-02T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm taking up blogging again. The reality is that life has been busy and blogging simply had to fall of the list.

We're entering a new stage of life at the moment and frankly, I need blogging again. Even as an introvert, I'm an external processor.

Sunday was our last day as official members of the church we've been part of for the last 11 years. It was the church we came to as newlyweds and the church that each of our children have grown up in. It was the community of believers I imagined us being part of for years to come. Through a series of events and emotions, both my husband and I came to the conclusion that God has closed this chapter of our life and it is time to embark on a new leg of the journey.

Did I mention that I enjoy comfortable surroundings and really don't relish change?

I am actually quite excited. We sincerely love the faith community we've been a part of. They have contributed to our lives and our spiritual development in amazing ways. We're excited about the future, though. We're taking some time "off" to pray and evaluate what it is that God is directing us towards. We're excited to include the kids in this process.

So, I'll be sharing the steps we take along the journey. This will again be my "stopping spot."

Estes Park and Revelation

2009-06-28T20:48:00.004-06:00

We were up in Estes Park last weekend for some much needed vacation time. I took this shot as Eddie and the kids were looking out over Bierstadt Lake. I love Estes Park.

On Saturday morning, Eddie got the boys up at 5:30 am to take them fishing down at Lake Estes. I read for a while and then got ready, all while my daughter slept in. I was loving the time with my mug of coffee, journal and a quiet house. Except for the birds squawking outside the window. It wasn't a sweet chirping I was hearing. So, I took a peak out the window and was surprised to see a young Robin perched on the side of a tree, rather awkwardly. I'm pretty sure we'd seen that same one hiding under a plant the afternoon. Evidently, it hadn't quite gotten the flying thing down yet. Then as I was watching, an adult Robin came hurtling down, straight at this little one. It took one sweep past with a loud, bullying-type chirp. It flew back up and made a quick turn for another swoop. I'd never seen anything quite like it and quickly realized this was probably a parent. It didn't hurt the bird. It was trying to get it to fly.

Honestly, I was a bit offended on behalf of the little bird at first. My goodness, give the little thing a break. But soon that thought was pushed out by the realization that the Robin has to fly. If it continues to camp out under the bush we found it in yesterday, it will soon be dinner for another animal. Flying is not an optional exercise for the Robyn. It's a critical skill. The parent is simply being a good Robin parent...doing what needs to be done to help its offspring survive.

So, I started wondering what this looked like for me. As a parent, what are the critical skills I want to teach my children...the ones that impact their ultimate character development? And then I had to ask myself, how much time I spend dive-bombing my children for the non-critical. I'll be honest. Too much. I want to focus on two primary things; loving God and loving others. Like flying, there are numerous other skills they need to develop and practice to succeed in these, but that's my goal. And fortunately for me, I think it can be accomplished without dive-bombing.

Reading Expectations

2009-05-28T20:09:00.003-06:00

Three whole months of summer lie ahead. I'm sure by the time we're done, I'll be ready to get back into the schedule the school year creates for us, but for the moment, I'm full of anticipation.

Right now, I'm most excited about two books I received in the mail today, Justification: God's Plan & Paul' Vision by N.T. Wright and Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. There's nothing quite like opening a new book. The potential of the reading experience is palpable. The smell of paper and ink, looking through the index...mmmmm... I ask myself how this book might challenge me, urge me to change, make me think? At what points might I laugh, nod my head in acknowledgment or shake my head in disagreement? I'll find out soon, but until then, the anticipation of the reading experience is waiting for me.

If you have any great reading suggestions, please let me know!

2009-05-16T06:41:00.002-06:00

It's a cool day out. I was going to do some gardening, but the clouds are threatening rain and I'm not quite sure I want to be gardening in that. The fact is, I'm tired and I really don't want to do much. Unfortunately for me, the many things I put off as I was preparing for my Hebrew final are now all screaming out for my attention. Did I mention I'm tired?

The last couple weeks have been beautiful. The meeting with the school concerning our middle son's reevaluation for special services went fantastic, far better than I had anticipated. He scored average or above in all academic areas and in cognitive testing, he actually tested high average to significantly high, specifically in certain reasoning areas. I was thrilled for my son (and honestly for us, too). Those results changed the playing field. It wasn't an option to hold him back. It gave proof to what we've known all along, he's a smart kid. His learning style is not the best for a traditional classroom, but he's learning and "getting it". We're going to see how next year goes and then see if any changes need to be made that would make school fit better for him. In the mean time, my favorite part of the meeting was talking to his speech and OT teachers. They simply love him and "get" him...and that is balm to my heart.

Hebrew is over until next Fall and I decided not to take summer classes. Despite the fact that I'm only taking one class at a time right now, I need a break! I think my family needs a break, too. The kids have a long summer because their school is getting renovated over the break and I can tell that they need my attention...my physical and mental presence very palpable in their lives this summer. I'm anticipating and dreading the summer all at once. My oldest has hit this odd stage in the transition out of 2nd grade and it's a new one for us. It's made a big impact on how he relates with the rest of us. I'm glad to have summer to hunker down as a family without school influences and "relearn" and grown together.

Eddie and I had a great talk last night. We have some big decisions to make, ones that seem to draw all the energy out of me at the moment. I'm so thankful for my husband.

Well, there's my ramblings for today. As much as I wanted to garden today, I'm thankful for the overcast skies and the threat of rain. Maybe that's my sign that I need to take this opportunity to rest. I think that's just what I'll do.

Mother's Day Ruminations

2009-05-10T20:37:00.003-06:00

I knew going into the day that it just wasn't going to be about me. The fact that both boys' soccer games from two weeks ago had to be rescheduled for Mother's Day because of snow made that clear. I was ready for that, though. I pictured nice Spring skies and pleasant children...

The kids were horribly cranky yesterday. To ensure my idealist Mother's Day, I made sure they were in bed by 7 p.m. I felt glorious when five minutes later they had all snoozed off. Despite my best efforts, they still woke up with the crabbies this morning, whining and bickering resonating within every room they entered. I have to admit that my voice rose amidst their cacophony a couple times, but didn't seem to slow their driving beat.

Soccer game one came amidst a drizzle of rain and soggy fields...cold. Following a hard kick to the chest it took all of mommy's convincing and the promise of a lollipop back at home to convince Nate to get himself back out on the field to help out his team-mates who were already playing short one player. We made a quick stop at my parents to wish my Mom a happy day, and then headed to soccer game two. The sun poked through twice during the game, making my hopes rise for a change in the direction of the day. Come on, I'll settle with half an ideal day!!

Not to be so. The game was lost, the clouds gathered back to steal the sun away...and with it my dreams. Just as the clouds regrouped, so did the crabby attitudes of my children. By the time my dear husband presented dinner, I just wanted to sneak away and escape, feeling bitter and dejected that yet again, there is no day to rest. No day to gain sanity and peace, restoration in the heart of a mother.

After dinner and with much complaining, I sat myself down with my oldest son to read. You see, he'd waited until the end of the quarter to finish up his required reading for school. At this point, I'm frustrated, tireed and really just want a bath and to go to bed. But, the day's gone anyway, so why not just sacrifice the rest of it. So, we hunker down on the couch and I read to him, then he reads to me, and then my turn again. Before I know it, we're laughing together. He snuggles in to me as we read and looks at me with the all the love an 8-year old boy has in his heart for his mother and says, "Mom, this is the perfect Mother's Day." In that moment, I realize it is exactly that and am profoundly grateful.

Carpool Blessings

2009-04-29T22:13:00.003-06:00

I was pretty anxious about this school year. I have a 2nd grader, Kindergartner and preschool. The schedules overlap and, of course, there's lots on the schedule. Carpools to the rescue. We are part of three carpools this year...one for each of the kids. I was a bit stressed out about that, wondering if I could keep up with it all.

It's turned out to be a marvelous blessing to us in many, many ways. Saving me time and gas money is probably the least important of all. My Preschooler and Kindergartner are best-friends with their carpool buddies. The moms have been life-savers to me. When Eddie and I went for a long weekend for our anniversary, one of the moms came to the rescue when my mom lost the keys to our van. In last minute jams, there are friends ready and willing to step in to help.

Three weeks ago, I spoke with my Kindergartner's teacher about how he's been doing. Great news...he's right where he needs to be. For those of you who know my kiddo, this is great news. He's struggled a bit and has some motor-development delays. Preschool was an aweful experience and we were not looking forward to this year. I was thrilled with the report...and then quickly deflated as she proceeded to tell me about concerns she has for next year, mostly related to his attention and speed (meaning he does everything slowly). I felt anxious and a little disturbed that this hadn't been addressed earlier in the year and quickly decided to talk to one of my carpool moms. As a former Pre-K-2nd grade teacher, she has graced me with ideas, resources and feedback that have been critical to decisions about next year.

I can't help but laugh as I look back at my fear of navigating this school year's transportation needs. All I needed was a ride for my kids, but instead I've been graced with the wisdom, support and grace of really amazing women.

It's Spring!

2009-03-19T08:20:00.003-06:00

It's been beautiful weather in Denver this week (although we could use some moisture). Today is the day that we've really seen evidence of Spring though.

The kids were looking out in the backyard this morning and laughing at the squirrels who were "fighting". I explained that they weren't really fighting, but were getting ready to have babies. They, of course, thought that was particularly interesting.

Once we were ready for school, we were watching out the front window and the kids were enraptured with the many birds flying around, including a pair of Robins in our tree in the front.

My oldest (almost 8 years) informed his younger siblings that the birds were mating. They asked what that meant. Here's his reply:

"Well, mating is when animals get together and don't really have a ceremony in a church or anything, but they get a nest together and have babies. It's actually so amazing that I don't really have words to describe it."

At which point, I turned into the kitchen and had my own little private chuckle.

I love Spring. I love hearing the birds, watching the landscape come back to life after dull winter colors. I feel content in the fullness of hope that comes with new life.

International Women's Day

2009-03-08T15:50:00.002-06:00

International Women's Day was created in 1911 and serves to as a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.

Julie Clawson has organized a synchroblog for IWD and encouraged bloggers, pastors and anyone interested to tell the stories of women in the Bible.

I've started researching Hannah for my class this Spring. Her story is told at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. Hannah is married to Elkanah, who also has another wife, Peninnah. And here's where the story gets interesting...Peninnah has children, but Hannah doesn't. Having children was a vital role of women in that society and Hannah's lack of children significantly impacted her status.

This particular year, as the family is in Shiloh worshiping the Lord, Hannah prays desperately for a son and in return she promises to give the child back to the Lord for service. Through a series of events, her prayer is answered and her son becomes the means by which God works in Israel and eventually establishes a monarchy for the kingdom.

As I look at Hannah and her story, I'm reminded of Sarai (later Sarah). Both these women were unable to have children and through a miracle of God were granted sons who were instrumental in God's work within the people of Israel. It's easy to overlook these stories as they don't seem critical. Yet the stories are included and we're left to wrestle with the "why".

Considering the status of women during Old Testament (and New Testament) times, the inclusion of these stories, I believe, is a glimpse into the redemption God intends for the people of God. The stories from the margins show insight into Kingdom values and encourage us to honor such stories in our world today.

Hannah's story is of a woman shunned in her culture, of little value. Her cry to the Lord, the ensuing pregnancy and her beautiful, prophetic song set the stage for God's next move.

Let us value the stories of women. Let us honor the stories of calling and passion. Let us grieve the stories of abuse and degradation. Let us work to encourage, to protect, to call out injustice and to be agents of God's kingdom of reconciliation!

There are some amazing posts as part of this synchroblog. I encourage you to check out the posts linked below:

Julie Clawson on the God who sees
Steve Hayes on St. Theodora the Iconodule
Sonja Andrews on Aunt Jemima
Sensuous Wife on a single mom in the Bible
Minnowspeaks on celebrating women
Michelle Van Loon on the persistant widow
Lyn Hallewell on the strength of biblical women
Shawna Atteberry on the Daughter of Mary Magdalene
Christine Sine on women who impacted her life
Susan Barnes on Tamar, Ruth, and Mary
Kathy Escobar on standing up for nameless and voiceless women
Ellen Haroutunian on out from under the veil
Liz Dyer on Mary and Martha
Bethany Stedman on Shiphrah and Puah
Dan Brennan on Mary Magdalene
Jessica Schafer on Bathsheba
Eugene Cho on Lydia
Laura sorts through what she knows about women in the Bible
Miz Melly preached on the woman at the well
AJ Schwanz on women’s work
Pam Hogeweide on teenage girls changing the world
Teresa on the women Paul didn’t hate
Helen on Esther
Happy on Abigail
Mark Baker-Wright on telling stories
Robin M. on Eve
Alan Knox is thankful for the women who served God

Beautiful Conversation

2009-03-05T15:20:00.002-07:00

I called my kids to me and all of us snuggled together around our reading chair, now much to small to hold the four of us, but we manage. One sits on my lap and the two others each sit on the arm of the chair and we lean in together. This particular night, we're reading from In God's Name by Sandy Eisenberg Sasso.

I love this book, but honestly, my children have not. They would much rather read about the adventures of Scooby Doo or of Jack and Annie and the Magic Treehouse stories.

This particular evening, we decided to read the story a different way. This particular book talks about the names people have for God and how often it is easy to fight over which name is "right". It begins:

After God created the world, all living things on earth were given a name. The plants and the trees, the animals and the fish, and each person, young and old, had a special name. But no one knew the name for God. So each person searched for God's name.

The farmer who works the land calls God, "Source of Life"
The man who tends the sheep calls God "Shepherd"
The soldier who has fought too many wars calls God "Maker of Peace"
The slave who is freed from bondage calls God "Redeemer"

As the story unfolded, we took a break at each page and discussed that particular name for God. We asked the question why that character thought his/her name for God was so good and then talked about how that name does describe God. As we discussed, this book that has held so little interest for my children became alive. They were caught up in this story of who God is and how God works in our lives.

As we ended our reading for the night, they asked if we could read it again every night and talk more about God. I understood that my kids need to know more than just the details about God outlined in a book, but instead need to experience how it impacts them. Somewhere in that journey, it began to come alive and soak into their souls. My mother's heart was full and thankful.

Cool Stuff

2009-02-22T16:21:00.002-07:00

It's cool for me anyway...

Yesterday and today, I taught the weekend services at our church. I'm incredibly wiped out this afternoon...three services is a lot. But, my soul is satisfied. It is an amazing experience to dig into the Bible, share what I've learned with a group of people and somehow have it be more than simply my words. It's been an amazing experience and I am very thankful for the opportunity.

Waiting

2009-02-18T22:20:00.002-07:00

I've been in a season of waiting for a while now. For a time, I felt that I was just waiting for "something". I think I've come to realize that part of waiting is simply not "doing". In not holding up a measuring stick, there is freedom to listen to the heartbeat of God, to learn that rhythm and to rest there. My coach sent me a poem that captures this beautifully.

I weave a silence on to my lips;
I weave a silence into my mind;
I weave a silence within my heart.
I close my ears to distractions;
I close my eyes to attractions;
I close my heart to temptations.
Calm me O Lord, as you stilled the storm;
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease;
Enfold me, Lord, in your peace. (David Adam)

Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence."

2009-01-06T20:48:00.004-07:00

My pastor asked some interesting questions over on his blog and despite giving a brief opinion over there, I just had to expound on it more over here.

I grew up thinking I wasn't a very competitive person. I judged this based on my total lack of sports ability. I'll never forget playing kick-ball in 5th grade. I rolled the ball from the pitcher's mound over to the kicker. The kid kicked it high in the air and by some odd miracle it landed in my arms. This was a miracle, I tell you. For me to catch anything had to have been an act of God. I was so stinking impressed with myself that I completely forgot to throw the ball home so that or team could get another player out. My teammates weren't all that impressed with my catch since I didn't have the sense to round it out with another out and we managed to loose the game anyway. I'm pretty sure it was then that I decided I just wasn't a competitive person.

I've figured out in recent years that I am, in fact, quite competitive. So much so, that I would rather not "play" than to put myself in a position where I might loose. I think I come by this quite naturally, actually. My mom's whole side of the family is ultra-competitive.

This Fall I started classes at Denver Seminary. Actually, just one class for now; Hebrew. I have loved this class. My professor is fabulous and I love being back in school again. Yet, in the midst of this, I've run right into this competitive streak of mine. Unlike with my undergrad, I'm now balancing school with being a mother of three, a wife, an employee and a myriad of other responsibilities that come with these roles. School is going to take me a long time and the fact that I'd eventually like to teach means that after a Master's I will need to obtain a PhD. The thought of the years this will take, the financial commitment and the balance, or lack of balance, it will require in my life terrifies me at times. I won't be a superstar mom, student or wife. I will have moments of bliss followed by moments of chaos.

There are times when the perfectionist in me wants to turn back, to continue to dream about what could be, but not take the risk to make it happen. I could choose to stop school and focus on being an extraordinary mom and wife. I could push through school faster and leave my family in the dust, but fulfill the role of an extraordinary student. Instead, I'm choosing to accept something less than perfect in myself. Even if I can't win in all areas all the time, I want to play. I will be quite ordinary...sometimes glaringly so...along the way. But, I will play and that in itself is quite extraordinary.

Who Knew?

2008-12-02T22:15:00.002-07:00

Who knew that a five-page paper would take me so long!? The last month has been busy with day-to-day life (which is enough to keep me busy by itself), but also with writing my first paper for seminary. It's a relatively simple 5-page word study for my Hebrew class, but based on the time I put into it you'd have thought it was closer to 20 pages. Ahhh...I am out of practice in this area.

The good news is that I just printed off my final draft and I'm pretty content with it. I actually am really excited about some of the ideas in the paper. I'll share sometime soon. For tonight, it's off to study my flash cards in prep for class tomorrow!

The One Who Makes Peace

2008-11-09T08:01:00.002-07:00

One of my favorite parts of my Hebrew class are the little snippets of sermons we get in our lessons. There's nothing quite like a professor who is awed by her subject and revels in the process of learning and what that brings to us both personally and corporately as we discipline ourselves into learning a language, specifically a biblical language.

Last Wednesday night we interpreted some prayers from a Jewish reformed prayer book. One in particular has stayed with me this week.

The prayer says:

Maker of peace, from his high place, he will make peace over us on all of Israel, and say Amen.

There are a couple things that are significant about this prayer. First, this prayer is said by the Jewish community. Peace has historically not existed for the this community. From the time spent in Egypt, the exile, views of Jews that existed as Christianity became a state sponsored religion, the Holocaust and the continuing conflict in the Middle East today, peace seems a distant dream. This is a prayer of faith for a people who have not experienced peace, but continue to place their hope in God.

The second thing that stood out to me is the first section. "Maker of peace" would read literally, the one who is making peace. The verb "making" is indicative of continuing action. Linked with the next clause, there is an image set up for us. The one who is continuing to make peace, will make peace over us. I God directing the clouds over our heads, a spattering of rain on the sidewalk quickly changing into a steady rain that soaks through; cool, wet heavy rain that leaves us drenched but oddly refreshed. Instead of rain, though, we are drenched with peace. As the storm clouds drift away and the rain lets up, we are left with the same world around us, but the smell is fresher, the grass is greener and renewed hope is held quietly, preciously, in our hearts.

What do we do?

2008-11-08T21:49:00.002-07:00

I've mentioned before my frustration with some of the e-mails sent around about Obama during the political campaign.

Today, I was forwarded an e-mail that surpassed all those. It moved from ignorant e-mail forwarding...the kind where the sender doesn't check facts and forwards on incorrect and often harmful material...to one of outright racism.

I think what stunned me the most was that this was from an individual I really respected.

Just last night, my husband shared with me a story of a friend who has what we might call naive racism. He doesn't even realize that what he says is extremely hurtful and propagates the current power structures. His reality says this is all true and yet he is somehow blind to the faults of this way of thinking.

The fact is that this is me, too. I make my own assumptions and think that's reality for all. I use structures that work for me. I don't want my ignorance to be an excuse, though. I want to hear the stories of people not like me...and let it make a difference. Lord, open my eyes.

Another Funny Kid Story...

2008-11-03T09:29:00.003-07:00

Last night I was working on a school project with our boys. They had to do some research about someone they knew who served in the military and then write up some of that information. Along with this project, the kids in the school are doing extra chores and raising money to send a veteran on a 3-day trip to Washington D.C. to look at the war memorials. It's a pretty neat project. And, we learned along the way, a needed trip into history for our children. So, here's my conversation with your 7-year old.

7-year old: Mom, what did Papa do in the Army?

Me: In the Army, he was an accounting specialist, but he was a cook when he served with the Air National Guard.

7-year old: What did he cook?

Me: Food.

7-year old: Wow, you mean food was invented way back then?

I Wish I Had A Tan

2008-10-30T21:02:00.004-06:00

Warning, totally unimportant blog post ahead...

I was at the gym the other day trying to maintain my work out schedule (which is more for psychological well-being than physical). I was doing my requisite weight routine when I glanced toward the mirror and cringed. Let me just say that the bright white light stunned me into inactivity just long enough for me to remember that it was just my lily white legs. Of course, I only had to look around to see several other folks working out with a nice brownish glow to their skin...and I so wish I had a little more melanin myself. Red-heads are just plain out of luck in that area.

So, there's my thought for the day!

Born Again Church Tour Recap

2008-10-23T15:58:00.002-06:00

Last weekend was the Born Again Church Tour here in Denver. It was a great weekend with good conversation and lots of challenging stuff.

One of the best things about a conference like this is that it brings together people from varying backgrounds and mixes us all up a bit. We meet new people who are similar to us and others who are pretty different. This falls right in line with the tension intended from this conference. When we come face to face with "real people" rather than mere issues, the context of the conversation changes.

But, this tension is a difficult space to dwell in. And it was difficult for some in our group. I knew that going in...it's still difficult for me. We're all at varying stages in our journeys and some of these conversations are very uncomfortable...there is no "easy" button. These conversations also mess with our way of doing life and faith and that hurts, especially when a particular way of doing each of these is married to what we call "truth". It then becomes easy to dismiss experiences that lie outside our solid lines.

It seems to me that this place of discomfort, when we want sincerely to defend our process and to take away this tension that confuses us and questions our way of doing life, that we need to press in. We need to wait in that place of discomfort, to seriously consider and accept the questions, whether they are ours or others'.

I know that this time was valuable for each of us that attended. For some, this was a safe place and the ideas were life-giving and exciting. For others it was disheartening and overwhelming. For all of us, it was the start of new conversations.

Parent Teacher Conferences

2008-10-16T22:27:00.003-06:00

If you asked me in August whether I was looking forward to our first parent teacher conferences of the year, I probably just would have cried. Honestly.

Our middle child has been diagnosed with a couple developmental delays. Nothing major but enough to keep this mama on her toes. That, combined with a bad preschool experience made for a worried me and a frustrated child. In fact, before school started, my son informed me that he worked hard enough in preschool. He was willing to go to preschool, but if they made him work, he wasn't interested. Well, there you have it. My fear increased. The thought of fighting through years of school was at the forefront of my mind.

It hasn't been that way at all. He works so hard in school, but because it's a good environment, he's fine with it. He's doing fantastic. Really...absolutely fantastic. He started reading to me about two weeks ago and is so proud of himself. I couldn't be more proud at how he has dug in. I am so impressed with how his teacher handles his classroom that makes it very safe for my child.

Ahhh...I'm sure that we will run into our speedbumps along the way as that's just the story of life. But for now, I'm basking in the good report and the happiness of my precious son!

Lord, Are You Speaking To Me or Is It Just the Baseline?

2008-09-27T07:01:00.002-06:00

Last night my husband and I attended a concert/worship session with Paul Baloche at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. They are in the midst of a 3-day worship conference called "Enter".

The event was a bit of an odd experience for me. I grew up in churches that placed high stock in worship...that is "praise and worship". The worship services at church seemed to be the point in time everyone longed for throughout the week. It was the emotional place, the place where you sought God for that emotional high that would carry you through the following week. I remember dancing to the song "Jehovah Jireh, My Provider" and the next step of then going forward for prayer. They wouldn't stop praying until you were slain in the spirit. I remember laying on the floor a few times thinking in my head "How long do I have to stay down to make this seem real"? There was some odd stuff that happened at that church. I'm sure that God was present, because God is faithful to meet us, and yet I know that a lot of what went on was deeply influenced by stuff that is definitely theologically suspect if not in some cases downright spiritual manipulation.

When we came to our current church, it was a different denomination, but some of the same things were going on. Still seeking to feel God, both Eddie and I felt that it was a fit for us. But over the last 9 years, my understanding of faith and a relationship with Christ has changed.

Yesterday evening is the first time in about 7 or 8 years that I've been in setting where people have come for the sole purpose of a special place of worship and hearing from God. Without being totally aware of what was happening in me, my initial response was cynicism. I questioned use of group dynamics to create a particular feeling, I judged the guy in front of us who was jumping up and down with some weird head movement thing going on. Emotionally and spiritually, my arms were crossed and I began closing down in a type of fear response.

Until the song, "Praise Adonai" came on. There was a point in the song that either God broke through my initial response or I simply succumbed to the baseline heartbeat of the music. But the breakthrough wasn't a highly emotional thing for me, but a reminder of the path I've been on in my own process.

The first thing that went through my mind was that it the gentleman in front of me has every right to jump up and down and do odd head movements. It's none of my concern how he and God do business. That's between them and I can keep my grubby little hands (or in this case, thought) out of it.

Second, though, was some grappling with how faith, life and relationship with God look like for me. In my own reaction against the feelings of manipulation, both of me and of the purpose of the Holy Spirit in our lives, I pushed much in the way of emotion out of my relationship with God. That's actually a fairly easy thing for me as I tend towards being a thinker anyway. But the question that kept prodding my mind last night was whether closing that emotional door entirely was healthy for me. If not, what does the integration of intellect and emotion look like in my life, 'cause I'm pretty sure there won't be any jumping and head-bobbing for me in the near future?

So, whether it was just the baseline, or God's prodding, last night's worship ended up being much more thought-provoking than I would have originally thought.

By the way, here is an acoustic recording of Praise Adonai. It really is a beautiful song.

Blogging...

2008-09-21T21:35:00.003-06:00

Blogging has fallen pretty low on the priority list lately. I have ideas that float through my mind on posts, but either I don't have the energy to follow up on them or they're just not that interesting or appropriate outside my own head!

That and life is pretty busy now that school is in full swing. In fact, we are now part of three separate carpools to get kids to and from their respective schools. It's a bit much to keep track of, but once I have the rythm down, it's wonderful. Especially as without these carpools, I would be spending an hour and a half to two hours a day just taking kids to and from school.

In the midst of all the craziness of our fall schedule, I have come upon a realization that is quite precious to me. For the first time in a long time, I feal a deep peace in my life. The craziness of life hasn't change, but somehow in the midst of it I am at a place of peace, comfort and happiness. I'm so thankful for this place. It's as if I know the winds are swirling around me, but I can take a deep breath and just deal with it.

Phoenix Wedding

2008-09-04T15:58:00.011-06:00

We spent last weekend down in Phoenix for Eddie's brother's wedding. We had a great time meeting Hugo's new wife and daughter and catching up with family.

The best part of the trip for me was after the wedding, though. (First off, the wedding was outside at 5:00 in Phoenix in August and it was a long service). Anyway, there was a dance afterwards and our kids just let loose. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! Aaron spent the evening doing the robot dance. Nate was hilarious. I didn't know he had it in him, but he went to town. And Elianna...I just couldn't capture it on the camera. She was trying to mimic the floor routines from the gymnastic competitions at the Olympics. She had all types of moves and the facial expression to go with them. By 9:30, both boys were sound asleep on couches just off the dance floor. Elianna didn't slow down all night.

Cute Kid Quote

2008-08-15T21:03:00.002-06:00

Tonight's dinner conversation with my 4-year-old daughter:

Daughter: "I can't eat, my heart hurts."

Me: "Why does your heart hurt?"

Daughter: "Because I asked God into my heart, but now he's sitting on it."

Chuckles from me and my husband.

Daughter, pouting, "Maybe God's jumping on my heart."

About 20 minutes later as she sits on the couch with her hands clasped in front of her:

Me: "What are you doing, Sweetheart."

Daughter: "Praying that God will get off my heart."

Freedom to Fly

2008-08-14T20:15:00.001-06:00

As some of you know, our family has become novice bird watchers (see here and here). It all started with visits to my parents when they lived in Salt Lake City. At that time, their back deck was right at the level of the fruit apple trees in their back yard. My dad set out some feeders and a heated birdbath and they had a host of feathered friends join them. When we’d take the kids to visit, a favorite activity in the morning was placing peanuts around the ledge on the deck and going back inside with faces glued to the sliding glass door as they watched the Blue Jays come to eat.

A couple years ago, Robins made a nest on the brick ledge of our house right outside the front door. Later on, Mourning Doves came to use that same nest. The boys had a bird’s eye view, literally, into the bird’s nest and got to see eggs and the development of the babies. So, this summer, for Mother’s Day, I bought myself a couple bird feeders and set them up outside. We’ve had House Finches, Chipping Sparrows, Mourning Doves, Black Headed Grosbeaks and a couple of Chikadees visiting ever since. One of our favorite things to do is sit on the little couch in our front room and watch the birds.

Just the other day, my oldest son told me that he wants to capture the birds and keep them inside with us. I had to laugh. Doesn’t it seem like human nature to want to capture those things that exhibit beauty and mystery and put it in cage? I tried to explain to him that we would loose the wonder if we bottled them up inside, besides the fact that we’d have a lot of mess to clean up on a consistent basis. I don’t think he’s convinced, though. ☺

I can’t help but wonder how many things in life we choose to put in captivity that would function so much better if given the freedom nature, and God, intended.

First Day of School

2008-08-11T21:48:00.003-06:00

Well, we made it through the first day of school...and it was good.

Nate has been making me nervous all summer, telling me that he was willing to go to Kindgergarten, but after all the hard work he did last year, he decided he wasn't planning to work on hard stuff this year. And let me tell you, if Nate doesn't want to work, life gets hard. Fortunately, he likes his teacher and his first day of Kindergarten was so much better than his first day of preschool. When I picked him up, he was talking a mile a minute!

Aaron seems to like his new teacher as well. She gives out pennies for good behavior that the kids can use in a penny candy dispenser...what more could 2nd graders want? Except for my son who decided he'd bring the penny home to save for Legos.

I received my class syllabus for my first seminary course. I need to have the Hebrew alphabet memorized by the first week of class. Can I just say that panic has set in for this year?! I'm so excited, but I also know that with my work schedule, the kids school schedule, my school schedule and other day-to-day stuff, it's going to be very busy. I'm sure once the routine is down, it will be manageable. I sure hope so!

By the way, are the boys cute in their uniforms?

Life as a Quest

2008-08-10T14:30:00.004-06:00

I've been reading the book Spiritual Direction by Henri Nouwen. This is the second book of Nouwen's I've read and I really enjoy his approach and the way he writes.

Toward the beginning of this book, he states that spiritual direction is the process of asking life's big questions within a supportive community (pg. 5). He goes on to say that often it's difficult for us to answer the big questions on our own because our fears and pain mask the questions in the first place. He goes on to say;

"Once pain or confusion is framed or articulated by a question, it must be lived rather than answered. The first task of guidance then is to touch your own struggles, doubts and insecurities - in short, to affirm your life as a quest. Your life, my life, is given graciously by God. Our lives are not problems to be solved but journeys to be taken with Jesus as our friend and finest guide." (page 6, emphasis mine)

I tend to enjoy making lists. And, when I make my lists, I always make little squares to the left of each item. That way, when I complete a particular task, I can mark it with a nice check mark. The last couple of years have been a period of learning for me. Lists work great for getting stuff done in the office, at the house or when preparing for a trip. But as far as real life goes their use is quite limited. That's what I appreciate so much about Nouwen's quote. Our lives, rather than being a checklist of issues to solve, is a series of questions best answered when journeying within a supportive community, following close to our God.

Pet Peeve of the Day

2008-08-01T22:15:00.002-06:00

I continue to receive e-mails that totally blast Barack Obama. They've gone anywhere from saying he wants to turn the US into a Muslim nation to the most recent claiming he snubbed soldiers while visiting Iraq in July.

I think e-mail is a great way to disseminate information. Truth-full information, that is. And, speaking of that, as Christ-followers we claim to follow the way, the truth and the life, and yet we send on e-mails defaming someone's compassion and character without once checking to see if we got our facts straight, plenty willing to believe the worst about "those liberals". Come on folks! Do a little research before entering more e-mail addresses and pressing "send".

Caveat - I know not all Christians vote conservative and those that don't are less like to send these on...so I do realize that I'm not speaking about all Christians

If you don't know where to start your research, try the Snopes website.

This is worth watching!

2008-07-31T21:43:00.002-06:00

I've seen this a couple places, but hey, for those who haven't seen it, it's quite the laugh!

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Harry Potter Marathon

2008-07-22T19:33:00.002-06:00

I've pretty much been out of the loop on blogging for the summer. Between vacations and managing all three of my kids at home, I'm keepin' busy. But, I do have to admit my guilty pleasure. I ready the first Harry Potter book about a year ago and have been meaning to read the rest. So, I popped down to my brother and sister-in-law's about three weeks ago and borrowed all theirs.

Then, I made a goal. You see, my kids start school August 11th and I start two weeks later. Once we're all in class, there won't be much time left over. So, I decided to read books two through seven before summer break ended. Needless to say, I met my goal in advance. I read them all in three weeks (and yes, I actually accomplished some other stuff in the midst of it).

I loved the books, especially books 4 & 7. The end was amazing. Julie over at One Hand Clapping has a great post she did after book 7 was released. She has some great thoughts and I agree with her (I think I read too fast to do much reflecting...I just wanted to find out what happens!)

If you haven't read them (and especially if you have kids who have or will be reading them), I encourage you to read them for yourself and then sit down for some great conversations with your daughter or son.

Off the Map coming to Denver

2008-07-20T09:09:00.003-06:00

I'm excited about a conference coming to Denver in October. My church is a sponsor for Off the Map's Born Again Church Tour 2008.

Check it out and if you're in the Denver area, join us! You can buy tickets via this link.

Rights vs. Responsibility

2008-07-02T20:32:00.003-06:00

I've been getting a lot of political e-mails lately. It's that time of year, I suppose. Most of the ones I'm getting have a lot to say about my rights. Specifically, about protecting my rights as a "Christian". The information I'm receiving tells me it is in my best interest to protect my right to be protected; to maintain distance between "others", with whom I disagree politically, in lifestyle philosophy, etc.

I had a conversation with a friend about one of these e-mails. She was concerned about a bill passed here in Colorado and felt that as an American citizen, a person should have the right to hire who he or she wanted. I wondered allowed what would have happened if we had that attitude when civil rights legislation passed. As I mulled over that conversation, I began thinking about my rights as an American citizen and my responsibilities as a person participating in the Kingdom of Heaven. I used to think that to participate in the Kingdom, it only made sense to do so within the political/social structure of the US. I don't think that anymore.

Well, quite frankly, I don't think it works. It doesn't seem to me that Jesus would be all that impressed with me, say as a business owner, only hiring people like me, who make me feel comfortable, happy and content. Or maybe, if I were renting a house, only renting to those I feel comfortable with (i.e. white, middle class, heterosexual). It seem to me that per Jesus' example, my concern should be much more about my responsibility to others rather than that of my personal rights. It is in his death and resurrection that I find reason to reach outside myself and what I "want" to a bigger picture of his Kingdom.

The problem for Christ-followers is that this approach is just a whole lot messier. It's rarely a cut and dried scenario. The safety of the known is so much more comfortable that the risk required as we take the responsibility of being messengers of the Kingdom, the ones who are to bring good news. How can we be those messengers if we've spent our time and energy protecting ourselves and our personal rights? I believe that it is necessary for the follower of Christ to step back from the American view of "rights" and fashion her life based on the responsibility given in the death and resurrection of the One we call Lord. It's a completely different scenario.

Organic Growth...What's It Really Like?

2008-06-28T19:47:00.003-06:00

I recently finished reading the bookThe Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch. In addition, I was privileged to participate in a round table discussion today with Alan Hirsch which was sponsored by the local Reformed Church Classis, whom I thank sincerely for allowing a group of us to join with them in this insightful day.

As usual, I come out of this with many thoughts, most of which don't deserve a second look. But, in my reading of this book, I got caught on the chapter about organic systems. Hirsch states, "It should not surprise us that organic images of the church should draw their primary theological funding from the biblical doctrine of creation (cosmology), from an ecological and an intrinsically spiritual view of the world rather than from any of the other disciplines that have conventionally informed leadership and the development of organizations. Cosmology must guide us into a deeper understanding of ourselves and our function in the world." (page 180)

In the previous section, he touches on the metaphors Jesus used for the church and the kingdom; body, field, yeast, seed, trees, living temples, vines, animals, etc. Having recently lead a Natural Church Development process in our church, these images were quite familiar to me.

At that point, though, I started to really think about this process. We recently returned from vacation in the mountains of Colorado. While there, we admired the beauty of the forests. We saw pine cones forming on the conifers and shared with our children how the trees are naturally created as the seeds fall to the ground. It's a natural process of reproduction. But built into this process is a significant failure rate. How many of the seeds land on soil, germinate and grow into viable trees which are then able to reproduce themselves? Not nearly as many as were originally sent out (try a google search on this...who knew how many different studies on this exact topic there are).

Hirsch states on page 181 that "...an organic image of church and mission is theologically richer by far than any mechanistic and institutional conceptions of church that we might devise.". I whole-heartedly agree. And yet, as we consider organic processes to be the method of growth and the movement of God in our culture today, I wonder about our ability to also reconcile this seeming failure as part of the natural process. Organic does not necessitate perfect scenarios. It creates natural scenarios. As individuals and communities seek to follow Jesus, how do we deal with the loss that is inherent in natural processes without turning away from the mission?

I think that one method of navigating this reality is to walk in community both within an individual faith community as well as in the joining together with other faith communities on this same journey. For instance, if we consider a single conifer tree in a relatively empty field, it's going to take an awfully long time for much to happen. But, if we look at a field full of trees at various stages of development, all of a sudden the relatively low percentage of germination of seeds begins to "feel" different because we see things happening faster just because there's more to start with.

So, back to human reality... Maybe as individuals and church communities, we have to consider that this organic process is going to look fairly stagnated to begin with. As result, we deliberately parter with other individuals and other churches so that our shared stories inform each other and provide opportunity both for mourning and encouragement as we travel together in this important journey.

And doesn't this make sense anyway when we consider the call for the church (bigger than just our local faith community) to be the body of God, working together to accomplish the mission given to us by Jesus?

Vacation Recap

2008-06-20T20:37:00.005-06:00

Ahhh...we arrived home from Estes Park this afternoon. It's good to be home, but we already miss the lovely mountains and the peace that comes at vacation. Although, I will say that we are all looking forward to a good night's sleep in our own beds.

This week we saw several birds including Stellar's Jays, Loggerhead Shrikes, Red-winged Black Birds, Hummingbirds as well as some others that we couldn't identify because they were too fast for us to get a good look at. We also saw several elk, a beaver, marmot, pika, chipmunks galore and a few other rodents that we weren't that interested in finding names for. We fished almost every day and finally caught some Thursday morning after dragging ourselves out of bed at 5:00 am. It was worth it all to see Aaron and Nate pull in their first fish of the week...kind of. ;-)

We did our longest hike yet with the kids. We hiked from Bear Lake, past Nymph Lake and onto Dream Lake, a total of 2.2 miles round trip. I was pretty proud of our little ones. They worked hard and we had a great time.

Here's some of my favorites pictures of the week:

Alberta Falls

2008-06-14T15:05:00.004-06:00

We arrived in Estes Park, CO yesterday afternoon for a week in the mountains. We hiked Alberta Falls, which just over 1 1/2 miles. The kids did great and we have a few extra treats along the way. The bird is a Stellar's Jay. I cannot even tell you how excited my 7-year old bird watcher was to see this beautiful bird. The elk were an amazing treat, too. We were told that coyotes were spotted along the trail, too, but we never saw them.

Use Your Words!...or not...

2008-06-05T20:08:00.004-06:00

We've been encouraging our 5 year old to use his words when he's angry or upset. As parents, it has been very frustrating to see him resort to full-on crying fits when situations frustrate him. There's that fine line of wanting him to learn to communicate in a more appropriate way for our own convenience vs. the benefit for his own social experiences.

So, tonight, he used his words and told us just how he felt. Eddie asked him to take one of his toys upstairs. He firmly told Eddie he didn't want to. After some cajoling, he was finally convinced to help out. Upon returning back downstairs, Eddie asked him to help clean up toys with his brother and sister. Nate, who has been sick this week, coughed right at Eddie and the slowly walked away. Several steps towards the toy box, he turned around and declared, "I coughed on you because I think you're being mean to me." At this point, I'm about doubled over laughing as Eddie tries to keep a straight face while discussing the finer points of respecting parents, etc, etc.

All that to say, I guess if we ask our child to use his words, we have to be prepared for his choice of words.

"Footprints" and the absence of God

2008-05-31T21:14:00.003-06:00

Tonight I spoke with a friend. She's had a few months of intense stuff going on. My friend is a carefree, fun-loving soul. But, life has been tough and she's tired...so very tired.

As we spoke tonight, I felt the heaviness of God's absence. The disappointment that the "answers" of the church were so empty to her right now. The loneliness in calling for God and not being able to find the sure hand to guide her through the darkness. God's love feels like a broken promise when we cry out for his presence and find ourselves instead, horribly, painfully alone.

I can't help but think of the poem "Footprints" in which the individual looks back at the sand through which he or she has just walked to find only one set of footprints and questions God for not walking alongside during a difficult time. God replies that he was carrying this individual. But why, I have to ask, does the person have to feel so all alone during the journey? It kind of makes me want to take one of those nicely framed footprint poems and give it a good smashing on my sidewalk.

I pretty much know the the answers...God's there but we can't just rely on our feelings. We live in a broken world due to Adam & Eve's sin. We'll be able to look back and see God's presence in the situation. These things are all true, at least in part, but they don't help a lick in the midst of the pain.

I don't have pat answers to give. I don't understand why there are seasons when sincere, heart-rending cries to God go unanswered. It ticks me off. And yet I still cry out to God. I stand by my friend and cry out with her...for her. God, make your presence known.

Good Report on Jacob

2008-05-31T08:21:00.001-06:00

Our friends have a great report on the progress of their son, Jacob, who is in the midst of treatment for leukemia. Thank you for your continued prayers for this family.

It's Official!

2008-05-29T19:17:00.002-06:00

Nope, not pregnant.

I received the official call from Denver Seminary yesterday with congratulations on my acceptance into the MDIV in Biblical Studies program. I wasn't all that worried about actually getting in, but it was a lot of fun to get that phone call and know that this venture (however long it may take me as I inch my way along) has now begun.

I'm a bit late for summer classes, but I'm hoping to get at least one in.

Hurray!

Book Review: Surprised by Hope

2008-05-27T21:37:00.001-06:00

I recently finished reading Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church by N.T. Wright. I had not previously read Wright’s work and I have to say, I truly enjoyed his approach and his sense of humor. Dry humor and theology make a nice mix!

The primary point of the book is that Jesus’ resurrection is the pivotal, climatic point of God’s story with humankind and how we understand the resurrection directly impacts how we do faith.

Per Wright, Western Christianity has gotten caught up in a dualistic, Gnostic faith system that values those things of the spirit and disparages those of the flesh. This thought system has over centuries woven itself into our understanding of the resurrection, heaven and the mission of the church. Wright goes back to Jewish culture, the culture around the time of Jesus’ arrival and the writings of the New Testament to challenge the effects this Gnosticism has had on church theology.

One of my favorite paragraphs in the book is found on page 227:

The power of the gospel lies not in the offer of a new spirituality or religious experience, not in the threat of hellfire (certainly not in the threat of being “left behind”), which can be removed if only the hearer checks this box, says this prayer, raises a hand or whatever, but in the powerful announcement that God is God, that Jesus is Lord, that the powers of evil have been defeated, that God’s new world has begun.”

The resurrection is the first glimpse of heaven that bursts forth into the present; it is “new creation.” This new creation is already present, not just in a one-time decision to follow Jesus, but in transformed life.

For those of you who want to participate, how do you see this “new creation” working itself out in our lives in a way that goes against the dualist tendencies of Western Christianity?

Tonight, my kids and I talked about all the things that make God happy. They listed all the normal stuff of being nice to each other, obeying mommy and daddy, praying, but with a little prodding, they starting saying that God is happy when they’re silly, that God enjoys it when they watch the little house finches that visit the bird feeders out our front window or when they build cool stuff with their Legos. I like that they started getting the concept. I know I still struggle at times to consider time with my children as important as “devotions” or other “spiritual” stuff.

Surprised by Hope encompasses so much more than I’ve mentioned here, so if you’re interested, I encourage you to pick up a copy. It is well worth the read!

Planting Day

2008-05-24T07:12:00.004-06:00

I'm heading down to my parents house this morning to plant our garden. When we landscaped our backyard, we made a small spot for a garden for us, but I have not been all that great since having children of actually keeping it up. My parents also have a nice big yard, so have created a couple raised beds. They'll be planting an apple and a pear tree later this year and hopefully by next year we'll have some raspberry plants as well.

Today we're planting a couple different kinds of tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, beans, carrots, tomatillos, peppers, squash and various herbs. Thrown in with that will be a mound of pumpkins and a mound of melon. I'm looking forward to gardening with my mom and my kids...and of the yummy harvest we'll have this fall. I don't think we'll have enough to do a lot of canning, so that might be from the local farmer's market. Either way, it's a start and a bit of our own adventure!

Prayer Request

2008-05-15T22:11:00.002-06:00

Today close friends of ours found out that their 7-year old son has Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. Our hearts ache with theirs and we ask you to join us in praying for Jake and his family; for strength for the coming journey, for an awareness of God's presence and ultimately, for Jake's health.

Another Meme... Six Random Things About Me

2008-05-09T08:35:00.004-06:00

Today is catch up for me after a busy week and I've been tagged twice this week. So, rather than having to come up with an original thought of my own, I've decided to have what my son calls "Fun Friday". (This, apparently counts as my extra recess for the day).

Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share six random things about you.
3. Tag 5 people (or whatever you can).

This time around, Jemila tagged me.

1. I have a secret desire to be an artist.

2. I made it through 1st grade only using the bathroom during school time 3 times (I was so shy, I hated to raise my hand and ask to go).

3. I went to 4 different elementary schools, 2 junior highs and 3 high schools.

4. Between 8th and 10th grades, I lived in 4 different states.

5. My husband and I didn't meet in person until 6 months after we started our friendship/relationship, which was initiated by his aunt and uncle (who lived in the same state as me at the time). We talked on the phone and e-mailed for 6 months before meeting in person.

6. Eddie's aunt had given him a picture of me before our first contact, but all she would say to me about Eddie was that "He's not ugly, but he's not a hunk of a man." (BTW, my husband is quite the handsome man, but Olga knew I refused to date a guy who was my height or shorter...Eddie is 1/2 inch shorter than me)!

I tag

Michelle
Kate
Brad
Kathy

Have fun!

Meme - Six Word Memoir

2008-05-09T08:18:00.002-06:00

I've been tagged by Michelle to participate in the Six Word Memoir meme:

1. Write the title to your own memoir using 6 words.
2. Post it on your blog.
3. Link to the person that tagged you.
4. Tag five more blogs.

By the way, I'm pretty much useless at condensing my thoughts to a short, comprehensive sentence! But, here's my go at it...

Walking Purposely, Sharing Generously, Seeking Always

I tag:

Happy
Jemila
Brad
Katie
Kathy

Waiting

2008-05-04T20:35:00.005-06:00

A few weeks back, I referred to waiting (specifically, my poor success at it).

Back in March, I had a tough and very needed conversation with a friend and coach. In this conversation, I was challenged in some assumptions as well as the working out of some of my deepest hopes and dreams. It was painful as I had to look some stuff in the mirror and acknowledge my own weaknesses as well as some significant concerns I've had that I have attempted to just put to the side.

In the days following this conversation, I began to reorganize. I searched for options, formulated back up plans of all kinds and in general made myself miserable trying to control the circumstances around me. At that point, my spirit, and God's Spirit working in me said "wait." So I have.

About that time, I picked up a new book Finding My Way Home by Henri Nouwen. It's a little, easily read book. It also, unplanned by me, has a chapter entitled "The Pathway to Waiting". In this chapter, Nouwen draws an unlikely and powerful link between waiting and Christ's Passion, His death on the cross. He states,

Passion is a kind of waiting - waiting for what other people are going to do... Jesus went to Jerusalem to put people in a position where they had to say "Yes" or "No." That is the great drama of Jesus' passion; he had to wait for their response. What would they do? Betray him or follow him? In a way, his agony is not simply the agony of approaching death. It is also the agony of being out of control and having to wait. It is the agony of a God who depends on us to decide how to live out the divine presence among us. It is the agony of the God who, in a very mysterious way, allows us to decide how God will be God. Here we glimpse the mystery of God's incarnation. God became human not only to act among us but also to be the recipient of our responses.

The timing of this book was beautiful. I don't generally wait. I'm not a procrastinator and I love to check off boxes for completed assignments or projects. But, I feel that with this situation, I have taken a seat on the floor, legs crossed and hands open and asked my Creator, my Provider and my Friend to join me. We haven't talked much. Just sat side by side in a holy space, being. It has been an escape from my own drivenness and need to control. It has been a space for communion with the One who knows me best and a time of peace. In taking the time to wait, I have been able to acknowledge God who has waited for me. God has met me, comforted me, challenged me and brought wholeness to my spirit.

I know this time or style of waiting is coming to a close. My communion with God has become more active and circumstances require movement. I'm captivated by the lingering feeling of peace, though. Maybe there's a way to exist with one foot in the action necessary for the movement of life and another in this place reverent waiting.

2008-04-20T16:03:00.010-06:00

We've had a fun weekend. Both boys had soccer games; one for Nate and two for Aaron.

Nate is coming into his own in team sports. He figured out he could run this week and zoomed right past the ball and the other players, ran across the field and back and then joined back into the game. I laughed so hard I cried. He had so much fun.

Aaron went up against some big players this week and didnt' back down. He's really getting the strategy of the game, listens to his coach and plays hard. It was also his first time playing goalie. He did great.

I love watching our kids grow, learn and become their own selves. I really love this stage of parenting.

Leadership Development and the Suffering Servant

2008-04-16T20:01:00.009-06:00

Our church leadership team has been completing the StrengthsFinder survey as part of our leadership development process. The Strengthsfinder is a morph on the traditional personality test and focuses on areas of strength. The theory is that we are more productive when working within areas that give an internal sense of excitement and fulfillment and that people will be more productive and successful overall when spending time maximizing these strengths rather than attempting to minimize or grow in areas of weakness. (For those familiar with the test, my strengths are Learner, Intellection, Acheiver, Input and Responsibility).

As I help in this process, I've been reading a book, Go Put Your Strengths to Work. This book takes the Strengthsfinder philosophy to the next level. It addresses how to manage your work environment to your strengths through several practical steps. And this is exactly where I'm stuck.

I really like the concept of working in our strengths. I like the idea even more when partnered with the knowledge that God has created each individual unique and has called us to work in community to be the physical representation of Christ in our world. There is no doubt in my mind that God has gifted us and used the experiences in our lives to work for the good of the Kingdom.

I struggle with the way to actually implement the idea of working in our strengths. First off, as a stay-at-home mom, the strategy in the book is incredibly unrealisitic in my day to day life. Breaking up fights, driving back and forth to schools & activites and doing laundry are definitely NOT things that bring excitement and passion to my life! At a deeper level, I have to wonder about the approach of focusing on always making my environment work for me. Go Put Your Strengths to Work does recognize that you can't always work in your strengths, but the goal is to work toward the greatest percentage of time being spent in those things that you excel at and that bring personal fulfillment.

In the gospels, particularly the book of Mark, Jesus is portrayed as suffering servant in the way of the prophets in the Old Testament. The expectation was that the Messiah would be crowned King, not die a shameful death on a cross. I doubt that Jesus, as he approached Jerusalem, or as he knelt crying out to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane, was operating feeling impassioned and personal fulfillment. It seems to me that he sacrificed himself for a vision and purpose greater than his own fulfillment and yet ultimately gained the fulfillment of restored relationship.

The fact of the matter is that of my top strengths, mercy is glaringly missing. It's not a natural strength of mine. Yet, that doesn't let me off the hook. The Bible is pretty clear about where my motivation should spring from. Any knowledge or accomplishments I obtain are worthless without love. In addition to the requirement of love, Jesus makes it clear that the highest commandments are to love the Lord with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength and to love others as yourself.

I think one of the keys to keep in mind as we develop the gifts God has given us is that it cannot be all about us. The purpose of using our gifts is to build the Kingdom, to offer God's love in our community and our world. As such there's a fine balance of using our gifts and growing an attitude of humility and community in service of our Creator and Redeemer.

One of Those Days

2008-04-09T14:22:00.004-06:00

It's funny the way life happens (and not to be a pessimist, but it does tend to happen this way at times). I'm trying to pull back in a couple areas of life and "wait." I may come back and talk about that more later because it's been an interesting spot for me to dwell in.

I have this image of what I want my waiting to look like. But, then I've caught this odd cold that hasn't seemed to hit my sinuses, but every evening, I begin to have a difficult time breathing and tend to toss, turn and cough throughout optimal sleeping hours. So, I'm really tired.

Then, today I met a friend at McDonald's. The kids had a great time playing and we had a great chat. Until, that is, that last 15 minutes. My daughter got her hands stuck in a closing door, fell off the bench and hit her head against the table. Then, as she was climbing into her car seat somehow fell forward out the car door and was headed face-first for the concrete. I grabbed her by her feet, but in the process got kicked in the face. I'm still not sure how it happened, but am ever so grateful my daughter is OK and is now peacefully sleeping. I have a nice purplish-green mark on my cheek, which I'm hoping will fade substantially overnight tonight.

Anyway, all that to say, I'm sitting at my computer with an ice-pack on my face and realizing that I'm not being all that successful at "waiting." ;-)

Conversation on the Way to the Movies

2008-03-28T21:18:00.005-06:00

My almost 7-year-old: Mom, does God know everything I'm going to do?

Me: Explain to me what your thinking, please.

7 year old: Well, does God control us kind of like a puppet or a remote control car?

Me: People have different interpretations of what scripture says about that. Some people believe that God knows every decision we're going to make and others believe that God gives us freedom to make decisions and then works with the decisions we make to fulfill God's purposes.

7 year old: What do you believe, Mom?

Me: I believe that God allows us to make decisions and then works with those decisions.

7 year old: I think I believe both.

Me: Really. Explain that to me.

7 year old: Well, God puts thoughts in our head to help us make the right decisions. So, that helps us make God's decisions and still make up our own mind. Hey, Mom! I just created a 3rd option. My option includes everyone.

Me: Wow.

(We finished the evening off with watching Horton Hears a Who...fitting after our conversation).

Learning Styles, Modern Boxes & Christian Responsibility

2008-03-26T14:09:00.007-06:00

I mentioned in a recent post my process of motherhood and learning to understand and appreciate the way my middle child does life.

Nate has been diagnosed with learning disabilities, mostly in the area of motor development, but we're also monitoring him for what is called "motor planning." Motor planning is the process of organizing items or ideas sequentially or in logical order. For instance, if you ask Nate, "Why do you use an umbrella?", his answer will likely be, "So you don't get wet." Well, according to the system, the appropriate answer is "Because it's raining." There was a step in the process that was missed...the rain needs to be mentioned before the getting wet part.

So, this brings me to a book I've been reading, Intuitive Leadership by Tim Keel. In this book, Keel tells a bit of his own story and that of his church, Jacob's Well, in Kansas City. He talks about the process of moving within a traditional church model and having an ongoing sense of discomfort. This discomfort urged him, forced him, to do church differently than how he had previously experienced it. Keel has some great thoughts in his book and I consider it a excellent synopsis of several ideas and practices in the emerging church movement. There is one area, though, that stopped me.

On page 126, Keen, drawing on the writings of Neil Postman and Marshall McLuhan, summarized three crises in Western educational systems. The first of these occurred in the 5th century BC, when Athens moved from an oral to written tradition. Moving from a culture of iconic images and stories to writing eventually, combined with the printing press, developed in the 16th century (the 2nd crisis) strongly contributed to a very left brain approach to learning. Getting to the point, on page 130, Keel states "It turns out that linear, sequential, analytic ways of knowing are processed in one part of our brain, or more accurately one hemisphere of our brain; the left hemisphere. Over the last several hundred years that make up modern history, the right brain was left to atrophy. In the emerging culture of the postmodern world we occupy, the use of the right hemisphere of the human brain is making a comeback."

Now, back to Nate. About November of last year, he started begging us to let him play piano. So, I finally signed him up for a "Little Mozart's Music Class" through our local recreation center. In the period of 5 weeks I have seen things click for Nate in a way I have never seen this happen. He loves music, he begs to practice and do his music homework, he never complains about it. Amazingly to me, the stuff that is clicking in music is immediately transferring over to other areas. His writing and coloring skills and his attention span have both improved significantly. Besides that, I see confidence and insight that I knew existed in him, but hadn't really seen manifest itself. For instance, our keyboard has several pre-programmed songs in it. One of them is "What Child is This?". The song is in a minor key. One day Nate was playing around on the keyboard and when this song came on, he looked at me and said, "Mom, this is a sad song, isn't it?" He also now makes up stories to go with the music we're listening to.

It was my turn to have something click. Nate's "disabilities" have been labeled such because he does not fit into the educational/learning boxes currently available through public schools. The goals set up in most of today's school environments are driven by left brain processing. In this way, by labeling Nate with a disability, he is given the help he needs to exist in an environment that is not his natural home. In reality, Nate does not so much have a disability as a different approach to learning and doing life. Nate's answer to why you need an umbrella is the right answer. Just because he didn't get to it through the same process as I might, doesn't negate it's truth.

It makes me realize anew how easy it is to make a category and label anything outside that category as unusual, odd, or simply wrong. It's a pretty natural thing to create those boxes. It might be, as in Nate's case, education. It could be a myriad of other things. My job as Nate's mom is to be his advocate, the person who understands him and balances some odd line of encouraging him and also working with the system on his behalf. It's certainly not a fine science, but it's ongoing goal.

I wonder if that's part of what we are called to as Christians. Understanding that boxes don't always work and that their are people who don't fit and need our help. They might be outside our churches, I'm pretty sure they're sitting in our churches. I know that I often fall into that category.

Satisfaction

2008-03-15T20:33:00.002-06:00

Last night Eddie went out on a date thanks to good friends who we swap childcare with (Thanks Brian & Tanya)! We stuffed ourselves on Mexican food and then went to the bookstore.

These days I generally buy books on amazon.com. There's nothing like a good evening at the bookstore, though. I spent the evening walking around reading titles, peaking inside books. I walked away with my own little stack and am so excited to start reading! So, the new books in my libary are:

Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church by N.T. Wright - I haven't read any of N.T. Wright yet, but have heard wonderful things so I'm excited to start this book

Fugitive Denim: A Moving Story of People and Pants in the Borderless World of Global Trade by Rachel Louise Snyder - This book takes a look at the intricate nature of global trade in mapping the process of making a pair of jeans, specifically in this case, jeans that ensure fair wages for the workers and minimal environmental impact. It should be an interesting read.

Coaching People by Harvard Business School Press - I'm leading a volunteer and leadership development process at our church and I'm hoping this little book gives some good tips for coaching.

I purchased two books by Henri Nouwen, Spiritual Direction and Finding My Way Home - I've also heard great thing about Nouwen, so am eager to start these as well.

All in all, I have to say I feel quite satisfied this evening.

Closed Hand, Open Hand

2008-03-08T22:05:00.001-07:00

I tend to be a person with a closed hand. As a natural introvert, I’ve always tended to need space of my own to reenergize. Add to that, as a teenager, we moved around quite a bit (4 states in two years between 8th & 10th grades). Throw those two things together and, at least for me, you get a person that is pretty reserved in relationships. It’s like I have something in my brain that says, “Hey, you’re going to move again soon anyway, so don’t count on this.” Never mind that I’ve now lived in one place for eleven years. (Surely that’s irrelevant, right)?

I find my hand is closed because it protects me. If I don’t place all of me on the table, then there’s a bit of safety in the wiggle room I’ve created for myself. And yet, I hear this beckoning for something more. I see the close relationships of people who have given years to each other in friendship and I wonder what that would be like.

But, then I shrink back again. An open hand is open to the fullness of relationship. It is also open to the hurt that comes when you’re standing in the middle of an open field during a lightning storm. Ouch, that’s gotta hurt!

There’s a song by Natasha Bedingfield that I’ve really enjoyed lately called “Wild Horses”. There a line in the chorus that says, “Wild Horses I want to be like you. Throwing caution to the wind, I run free too.” I love that image. It sounds so beautiful and free. I imagine a warm beach and the horses running a long, their manes whipping in the breeze. The reality is that despite the freedom of the horses, not everything is a lovely jaunt on the beach. There are hurricanes, the constant hunt for food and the ever-present danger of being caught that make the life of a wild horse much less idyllic than this song supposes.

So, that’s the reality I need to navigate. As someone who believes in relationship, I have to be willing to open my hand and accept both the beauty and the pain that arises in that vulnerability.

Beautiful Glimpses of Wholeness

2008-03-04T20:32:00.003-07:00

Jemila wrote an excellent post yesterday that encapsulates so many of my own thoughts about parenting, personal fulfillment and what it means to truly give of myself and yet retain something of myself as well (thanks, as always, for your beautiful words, Jemila).

I have realized that there is nothing like being a mother to bring out my own insecurities. This can be particularly true with my middle child. He's so much like me in many ways, especially as I was as a child. He has some stuff he struggles with and I tend to really push him and worry, fret and cause more problems for him because of my own issues.

In the last couple weeks, I feel like I've been given little peeks into who Nate is and what makes him tick that have allowed me to step back and "get it". I love it. He doesn't do life in a way that I can measure. He doesn't do life in a way that is easily measured by anyone, really. And yet, inside this little person is this amazing strength, creativity and stamina.

As a mom, I'm learning to release expectations that are unattainable for my children. I'm learning to stop long enough to figure out my own stuff before I load it down on my kids. In the midst of that, I am able to enjoy their strengths, gifts and incredible personalities.

Cross-Cultural Experiece

2008-02-17T20:27:00.002-07:00

Living in Parker, CO, we don't have a lot of opportunities for cross-cultural experiences. But, this weekend, we had the pleasure of dinner at one of my husband's co-workers homes. This family is Palestinian. The husband moved to the US quite some time ago, but his wife just immigrated to the US four years ago, immediately after marrying. It was an arranged marriage and each of the individuals is from the same small village.

I have to admit that I am utterly in awe of this situation. I can't fathom moving clear across the world with no support system and immediately starting a family and being completely alone. This family is truly amazing and were incredibly hospitable. We were treated to a traditional middle eastern meal (our kids, who tend to hate any unfamiliar food, did quite well). We had chicken and a dish called "upside down", which we were told anyone from the Middle East would be familiar with. It's a rice dish with eggplant, cauliflower, carrots and noodles. We were lavished with hospitality and there wasn't a single request our children made that wasn't granted (much to our chagrin at a few points).

Our conversation was really interesting, too. The guys talked about how they couldn't imagine staying home with the kids. Shahir said something I found interesting. Apparently, Muslims have a saying that "You can find God at the foot of a mother." It's a reference to the nurturing, from conception on, that a mother provides to a child. It's an image of the love of God towards people. What a lovely, provocative image.

Civic Duty and Immigration Reform

2008-02-06T21:43:00.001-07:00

This week I fulfilled my civic duty for the year...the dreaded jury duty.

When I got to the court house, I found out that we were all potential jurors in a murder trial. I'm going to admit that I was pretty upset about the whole thing. I do a lot of driving around with the kids to school, preschool and stuff and finding people to take that over for the two week period required overwhelmed me.

Yesterday the jurors went through interviews by the prosecution and defense. I was far enough down the line that I wasn't asked anything. But I sure did watch and listen a lot. One of the first things I noticed was that the defendant was a Latino man who required translation for the proceedings. This was quickly a topic of conversation among the potential jurors, and not to the benefit of the defendant. The guy sitting next to me shared his pretty prejudiced views quite freely.

I could only take so much of this before informing him that my husband and his entire family are Mexican, some who came legally and some who came illegally. Just this last Thanksgiving, Eddie's mom shared their family story with us for the first time. Not even Eddie knew how his family had immigrated to the U.S. His grandpa was a migrant worker who moved from Juarez, Mexico up to central Colorado. After a few months, he came to church sobbing on a weekly basis, he missed his wife and 12 children so much. His pastor spoke to his boss, who then sponsored him and his family for immigration. They moved to El Paso, TX one day before their 13th child was born! Eddie's father came into the U.S. as an illegal immigrant and spent his first year in the U.S. in the basement of a business in Chicago without heat. He remembers never being warm enough and trying to mime what he wanted for food to local restaurant employees. Sometimes he would get food, sometimes not. A few years later, he was granted citizenship. (By the way, almost 40 years after immigrating, Eddie's mom still speaks broken English and his father is still somewhat choppy. It's hard to learn a new language as an adult)!

Julie over at One Hand Clapping has a great post that gives us a different look at the immigration debate. We would do well to consider this debate from the eyes of an immigrant.

For me, I feel the defendant in this trial is feeling first hand the impact of being an immigrant who is not wanted. Out of 120 jurors, there were two Asians and one Mexican...that's it. The rest of us were white. Two of those three were excused because they did not speak enough English and the other was excused for other reasons. I believe that the people on the jury will take their responsibility quite seriously, but I hope in the midst they can attempt to put themselves in the place of a different culture, put their assumptions aside and try to understand life from the view of a stranger. I think this is an important aspect to the immigration debate as well. I know that my point of view was significantly impacted as I sat listening to my mother-in-law tell their family story. It was no longer an arms-length away. It became part of my story.

123 Meme

2008-02-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

Happy, at A Fundamental Shift passed on a meme to a mutual friend, Jemila, who then tagged me. The rules are…. “simple” and the results humorous:

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.

So, just so you all know, my laptop is on a little desk in my kitchen. I don't often keep my books (outside cookbooks) in the kitchen due to it several spills in the past that have left my books looking rather poorly. So, tonight, I found my husband's book, which should thrill each of you with it's profundity! ;-)

From The Guitar AMP Handbook: Understanding Tube Amplifiers and Getting Great Sounds:

"There are a lot of uses for the things, no doubt, and if you don't already own one, I'm sure almost every player reading this can imagine a situation in which a good attenuater would be handy.

They do, nonetheless, by the nature of their operation, have inherent...I wouldn't want to call them 'drawbacks,' but let's just say "elements of their function' that sometimes make your rig sound not exactly like a less loud version of the same amp. The first is that driving your speakers at different levels obviously makes them perform differently; any speaker's reaction and interaction to and with the amp is a big part of the amp's overall sound, and these speakers sound differently when driven hard than they do when driven gently."

So, there you have it. Guitar philosophy at its finest.

I tag:

Kate
Brad
Julie
Kathy
Tanya

(Kate, Brad and Tanya...this is just a reason for you all to put up a new post on your blogs)!

Freaky Weather

2008-02-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

Last night was a totally weird weather night here in the suburbs of Denver. It started knowing and then it began to lightening and thunder. Shortly after that, we heard the pop, pop on the roof indicative of hail. Then it rained for a bit and went back to snow. It was all done in about the course of an hour.

So odd!

Good News and Relationship

2008-01-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

For the last couple weeks, I've been thinking about what the term "good news" means. If you're interested, you can find my other posts here and here.

In Greek, the word "euangelion" means good news, or to evangelize. Growing up in Evangelical churches, the evangelize and good news were spoken of mostly in the context of preaching, handing out tracts and conversion. When missionaries came to visit, the success of their ministries were judged based on how many people had "come to know the Lord." As a part of a youth group, I remember being encouraged to bring my Bible to school and make sure I knew the "Roman's Road" so as to share with others their need for salvation.

In recent years, I've come to a different understanding of what it means to share the good news. I actually think that coming to know the Lord is about radical wholeness. We Evangelicals view this wholeness in large part within the soul of the individual who has come to a decision to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I think that wholeness, biblically, is larger than the individual and extends to community, society and the entirety of creation. The good news is inextricably tied to relationship. It encompasses social justice, care for creation and the responsibility of being an extension of God's shalom within our world. None of this happens without caring concern and fostering community and relationship. This reality came to me quite clear last week.

I received an e-mail from a co-worker of my husband's. He had received an e-mail claiming Muslims can't be good Americans. It was quite ridiculous, really. I sent him back my thoughts and opinions and in response I received this e-mail:

Thank You so much for putting in the time on this. I appreciate your points. I was telling Eddie that I respect his family’s views on Christian morals. That’s why I went to him with this. See I am actually an Atheist. Something I assure you my mom suspects, but doesn’t want to believe. I do however appreciate the Bible and the teachings of Jesus as a good framework for teaching children and family moral values. My main pet peeve in life however is Hypocrisy. That is my main reason for my belief structure. When I see the corruption and the hypocrisy going on in today’s Christian society it pains me and tends to make me lash out at Christianity as a whole. It’s people like you and Eddie that keep a thread of hope that Christian people will return to the morals of kindness and loving and leave the hatred and bigotry behind.

I don't share this as a pat on the back for us. Rather, an acknowledgment that people are paying attention. Eddie's worked with this guy for years and they've had lots of discussions about faith and he has been a pretty staunch Atheist. In that time, though, he and Eddie have developed a relationship that ultimately allowed us to share with him about our faith and how that looks played out in relationship. He's seen his share of Christians who share their faith in judgment rather than love. In the process, he's decided that he can't accept a god who looks like that. Wow. I was so touched by his response and in it his openness to God's working.

You know what's really odd? I showed up for jury duty yesterday and who came around the corner just a few minutes later, but this same guy. Isn't it amazing how God weaves the threads of life together into relationship? In the past, quite frankly, I would have been totally freaked out, thinking I had this huge responsibility to "convert" this gentlemen. It is so freeing for me to recognize that it is in ebb and flow of relationship that the good news of God is shared. I don't have to barrel in full force, but can walk the journey with the people whom God brings into my life.

Submission a Pre-Requisite to Evangelism?

2008-01-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

I recently started re-reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. In the middle of the book is a chapter on submission.

Foster's understanding of submission is critical for the practical application of evangelism, or the sharing of the "Good News". Per Foster, Jesus' radical statement, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Mark 8:34 is the key to a biblical understanding of this spiritual discipline.

Before taking up a cross, Jesus says a person has to deny himself or herself. Foster goes on to say that denying ourselves, or submitting, is "simply a way of coming to understand that we do not have to have our own way." When we can admit that we don't have to have our own way, Foster states that we gain "the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way." In fact, he states in another place that "Only submission can free us sufficiently to enable us to distinguish between genuine issues and and stubborn self-will."

It's the last statement that started a bunch of thoughts in my mind. I tend to like my own way. So, how does that self-centeredness point me toward my own stuff rather than genuine issues? What would it look like for me to surrender my need to defend myself, to protect myself, to serve myself? What would it look like for an entire community of believers, to do that? As I ask these questions, I think of Jesus' response to the teacher of the law in Mark 12:30-31 regarding which of the commandments was most important "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

If each of us is able to deny that natural self-centeredness and submit...to God, to others...what type of issues would we be able to rally around? In what way could we accomplish God's mission on earth which is hindered when our own issues are allowed to take the forefront.

I think it is at this spot we realize that submission is a key requirement for the sharing of the good news. Without it, the good news is easily tainted with with our own stuff.

*"Submission" is a word with tons of social baggage. I highly recommend reading Foster's book, specifically the chapter on submission and in particular, his analysis of the limits of submission."

The Feet that Bring Good News

2008-01-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

How beautiful on the mountains  
are the feet of those who bring good news,  
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,  
who say to Zion,
"Your God reigns!" Isaiah 52:7

My mind has been churning since a conversation last week. One of the guys involved in this conversation has roots in the LDS (Mormon) church. A few years out of high school, he felt there were questions he had of his faith that could not be adequately answered. He explained the process of moving from confusion the point of coming face-to-face with God and finding peace. Looking back, he was able to recognize the working of God in his life from a very young age. As he shared his story, I felt as if I was being given a glimpse of a sacred process and I couldn’t help but think of the people and events that influenced him along the way.

I started thinking about what it means to “evangelize”. Someone who evangelizes is one who brings good news. It’s interesting. Some scholars hypothesize that there were different men assigned to bring good news and bad news Old Testament times. Important information needed to get from point to point and without easy access to modern technology, it fell to messengers who ran between those points. An example of this is in 2 Samuel 18. The watchman sees a runner coming and identifies him as Ahimaaz, son of Zadek. When the king hears this, he says, “He’s a good man…He comes with good news.” 2 Sam 1:27. Sure enough, the king finds out he has been delivered by God from his enemies.

In Isaiah 52, God is speaking to his people that he has recognized their distress and is preparing to rescue them from the hand of their enemy. The references to peace, good tidings and salvation have to do with safety, the end of war and the return of God’s people to the promised land. It is celebration of peace and wholeness, the shalom of God. Just as in 2 Sam, this scripture recognizes the moment when the messenger is recognized upon the horizon, running to share the good news. The whole idea of “good news” is actually quite compelling and runs throughout the Bible. It deserves much more than I can give it in a blog post.

This imagery captured my imagination. I believe strongly that the good news we have is more than a moment of decision and the hope of heaven. It is also very much about the restoration of freedom, peace and transformation in our lives now. It’s about the restoration of all of creation to God.

So then, I have to ask myself if I am someone who, when people see me coming, know that I’m bringing a message of good news. Do my actions and words radiate wholeness and peace? What exactly does that look like? I’m going to tackle that question in more detail this week.

Changing Directions

2008-01-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

The last 2-3 years have been an amazing time of transition and change for me in how I understand God, myself and what the church's mission is in the world. Living in state of unknown is not generally something I enjoy, so last year I decided I would tackle that unknown and see what I could do to conquer it. My goal was to go through the names and descriptions of God in the Bible, reflect on that characteristic and what it meant both for God and for humanity as reflections of God's image.

My approach was primarily academic. I want to "know" about how God works, who God is and what that means to me. But, my first tendency is to know intellectually before I jump into actual relationship and intimacy. I want to know what I'm getting into before I take the big jump. I want to measure, massage and manipulate information so that I can understand God. And in the midst of that, I haven't opened my own heart to intimacy with my God.

This became clear to me throughout the Fall and Summer as I worked through the book of Jeremiah. I grew up hearing about God's anger and God's love, but not together. I heard that God was a God of grace, but also that I had to be a certain way, believe a certain way to avoid God's wrath. The message was usually that God is filled with grace, but that there's this scary part of him out there too and we're not sure what to do with it, so tread carefully.

In the book of Jeremiah, I came face-to-face with God's anger. Israel has been unfaithful to her God, time and time again. God has had it and through Jeremiah, speaks of the demise of this nation he has chosen to reveal himself to. I had a hard time with this. I see my own anger and I see horrible failure. It's difficult for me to understand anger in God and what that means for me.

I've been struggling with this for a while. Until at one point shortly after Christmas, I heard this voice. (Let me clear, I'm not saying it was God, but at the same time I'm not denying it either). The voice said, "How often do you get to know your friends by studying them".

That's my change in direction. I don't get God. The greatness of Creator, Redeemer, Wisdom, Provider is more that I can intellectually comprehend. I should have figured this out much sooner. But old habits can be hard to break.

In Jeremiah 33:2&3, the Lord spoke to Jeremiah saying, "...he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it - the Lord is his name: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable thing you do not know."

That is my prayer this year.

You're my what??

2007-12-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

I spent the day today as I do very often after Christmas; organizing. I tend to like everything in its place, although have relaxed quite a bit since we have three young kids in the house. I did quite well shoving gifts in corners of closets and storing Amazon.com boxes as they arrived. But, once Christmas was over and the unwrapping complete, I go into reorganize mode. So, I spent the day with a plastic bag going through the house ditching unneeded stuff, carting storage containers from the basement to the upstairs bedrooms so as to clean out closets and reorganize toy storage. My house doesn't look any cleaner at the moment, but I have my system in place going forward, so feel like I'm at a good spot.

So, following this busy tidying day, I had to laugh at my son's synopsis. After dinner, I asked my three children to pick up their toys and put them in the containers I'd shown them earlier. As I finished up the dinner dishes, my oldest son who is 6 years, hollered from upstairs asking, "Mom, why is that I'm you're slave and I have to do all the work you should be doing?"

Ahhh...if only he knew how good he's got it! ;-)

Mary's Heart

2007-12-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

I received this poem in via e-mail this week from our local CBE chapter. (The poem was written by Madeleine L'Engle, copied from a piece of choral music for 4 female voices. Published by H.W. Gray Puablications, c/o Belwin, Inc. 1989
Music by Daniel E. Gawthrop)

Mary Speaks by Madeleine L'Engle

O you who bear the pain of the whole earth, I bore you.
O you whose tears gave human tears their worth, I laughed with you.
You, who when your hem is touched, give pow'r, I nourished you.
Who turn the day to night in this dark hour, Light comes from you.

O you who hold the world in your embrace, I carried you.
Whose arms encircled the world with your grace. I once held you.
O you who laughed and ate and walked the shore, I played with you.
And I, who with all others, you died for,
now I hold you, now I hold you, now I hold you.

May I be faithful to this final test, in this last time I hold my child, my son;
his body close enfolded to my breast:
the holder held, the bearer borne.
Mourning to joy, darkness to morn.
Open, my arms; Open, my arms; your work is done.

What a beautiful image of Mary. Her mother's heart both holding and relinquishing her son. She understands his mission, but being God's son does not make him any less her's. It does not mitigate her pain. She opens her arms are releases her son for his purpose, holding to the promised hope of his purpose.

Christian Responsibility

2007-11-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

I just read an article on CNN about crucifixes. It appears that many religious shops in the US are selling, unawares, crucifixes made in sweat shops in China.

The owner of Singer Co., a religious goods store stated, "Whether they came out of a sweatshop, we do not know...We asked Full Start to sign off that there are no sweatshop conditions involved, and no children and that they abide by Chinese law. This is a black eye for us."

CNN quotes Bill Anderson, president and chief executive of the Christian trade association, as saying: "While we occasionally hear this issue raised, and believe there are factories in China where human rights are violated, we believe claims that products sold through CBA member stores are made in these shops are irresponsible and unfounded."

I am assuming the very best about Christian bookstores and religious goods organizations; that they would never knowingly purchase and sell goods made in sweat shops that prey on women and children. But, I also think the responses given in this article are appalling.

Just recently, Gap ran into a nasty situation in which one of their subcontractors used child labor to make dress shirts for their baby gap stores. I'm not saying I'm fond of Gap's overall policy, but at least they took the information seriously and did something about it.

I would think that as Christians, purchasing a representation of God's sacrifice for humanity, that there would be an added responsibility to be aware of where the items come from and do something about it if you found out it was different than originally thought. What a horrible possibility that a crucifix would be made in a sweat shop. It seems ignorant to respond by saying that they know it happens in China, but that the reports for their products must be unfounded. It's also naive to fall back on the fact that the contractor was asked not to use sweat shops. When something is contracted clear across the world in an area known for corruption, it just makes sense that it might impact your merchandise.

I think we have a tremendous responsibility. In reading the response of these individuals to the allegations, I'm challenged in my own response. I often turn a blind eye. I justify my decisions based on my own convenience rather than allowing myself to feel the full consequences for whoever is at the other end of my purchasing choices. I'm not going to change overnight, but I will acknowledge that the situation is real and I need to take action.

The Insightful 3-year Old

2007-11-14T21:29:00.001-07:00

Today my daughter picked up a journal (Priscilla Papers) from Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE). The picture on the front was of a group of five people praying. The camera was angled from the ground to look up at their faces.

My daughter saw the picture and laughed, saying, "Mommy, why are they all sleeping together?" I responded saying that they weren't sleeping, they were praying. She then pointed out one of the men in the picture and asked why that man was sleeping. Then, she laughed again, saying, "He's not sleeping, he's praying, Mommy." I asked her what she thought they were praying about.

She replied, "He's praying for all the girls."

Profound.

The Lord Came Near

2007-11-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

This has been a week where I felt the Lord came near. I did not feel God's presence in an emotional way, but a very practical way.

Wednesday was the epitome of the week. Besides it being my husbands birthday, my brother was scheduled to defend his thesis, a moment long anticipated.

While getting ready to head out the door in the morning, I received a call I've been waiting on for five and a half long months. It was at that point that one of my closest friends packed up herself and her family to take her husband down to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL. They had been told that the chances of receiving a life-saving liver transplant for her husband here in Colorado was unlikely do some particulars in his disease that are different than most liver diseases and therefore not factored in to transplant priorities. At the time they moved, the average liver wait was 4-6 weeks. They assumed it would be a 2-3 month time period and then they would all move back to Colorado.

Needless to say, it didn't happen that way. Instead, they have had a difficult path to walk, including the complete removal of Roald's colon due to a high likelihood of the development of cancer. It began to feel as if this moment would never arrive. They received a call that there was a potential liver at 7:30 Wednesday morning. Roald was put through all necessary pre-op procedures, but it wasn't until 7:30 that evening that they showed up in his hospital room with the wheelchair and the news that this was it.

Roald came through surgery very well and seems to be recovering even faster than the doctors originally anticipated.

My brother passed the defense with just a few changes to make before the final.

My husband successfully marked off another year on the calendar.

I am blessed by God's continued presence.

Redemption of the Whore

2007-11-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

OK...I couldn't help the title. You think my words are strong, try the book of Jeremiah.

I have to admit as I first started digging into Jeremiah, I struggled. There's some strong language used in regard to the people of Israel. For instance, in Jer. 2:23-25, God says,

...See how you behaved in the valley;
consider what you have done.
You are a swift she-calmel
running here and there,
a wild donkey accustomed to the desert,
sniffing the wind in her craving -
in her heat who can restrain her?
Any males that pursue her need not tire
themselves;
at mating time they will find her.

I laughed when I read this. God sure didn't mince words in this description of Israel's unfaithfulness. I also struggled when I read this. I have a hard time accepting God's anger. Although as I think about it, I can understand God's anger, but trying to reconciling the love and anger together gets me.

Yet, throughout Jeremiah, it is evident that there is this ongoing dialog of God's anger and love. In fact, almost in response to the graphic language in the above reference, chapter 31 has corresponding voice of redemption:

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:

I have loved you with an everlasting
love;
I have drawn you with unfailing
kindness.
I will build you up again,
and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
and go out to dance with the joyful...

Wow. When this verse is considered in comparison with the verse above, you cannot help but see a message of restoration. In our world that loads an extra "sin factor" on sexual sin, I find it quite amazing that God has restored the "she-camel in heat" to a virgin. This is obviously a biblical theme. Hosea is a great example of that. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. The relationship between Hosea and his wife was used to provide a mirror as to God's relationship with the children of Israel. It seems that God is pretty interested in communicating that despite the most intimate form of adultery, despite the prostituting of God's people to other gods, this God of love restores and restores with purity.

I still don't really understand the interplay of God's anger and mercy. But in these stories, I do find this intense desire for restoration on God's part. I may not understand, but I find that I can trust.

Working "Upstream" and becoming a Feminist

2007-10-24T11:11:00.000-06:00

I found the following quote in the quarterly newsletter from the local women's shelter.

One day a woman was walking along a river and was astonished to see many women struggling in the water. She saw some people pulling the drowning women out of the river. The woman thought for moment, then she ran upstream to find out why the women were falling in the water in the first place and to do something about it." - Source Unknown

I've run into a couple blog conversations latelely, one at CBE and the other at Amateur Theology, that end up addressing, at some level, what those "upstream issues" might be.

The CBE discussion centers around a law passed last year in Spain mandating that crosswalk signs equally balance pictures of men and women. The discussion tended toward how they were to characterize the woman sign (wearing a skirt and hair up in a pony-tail). The question also came up as to the many other worthy efforts towards equality this money could have been used towards.

At Amateur Theology, a discussion on feminism garnered a comment about going too far by some in signing a card "from women and men of such and such." Geoff gave a terrific reply that addressed just what the quote above is referring to.

As I read the newsletter from the Women's Crisis and Family Outreach Center, I couldn't help but ask what can we do to change the upstream issues. Are changing street signs that important? Maybe. Is it important to sometimes change up what might be a common idiom to be purposeful in raising awareness of equality? Quite possibly. I think both of these efforts are a good start to challenging culture to change assumptions. Will either of these, by themselves, stop some of the downstream issues such as rape and abuse? Unfortunately, not anytime soon.

So, what else can we do to change ingrained stereotypes? How do we challenge a status quo in which we have accepted a certain way of viewing women and men? I have recently heard people say that they support equality for women, but turn around and say something like "But, I wouldn't want a woman as a senior pastor because she'd be much too emotional when it came to 'that time of the month.'" Or, state that a women cannot speak as well publicly because women's voices are too grating. Or, if a girl dresses a certain way, she deserves to be raped. The first two comments are concerning. The last is appalling. All these comments are from educated, caring people..and yet what they claim to support is still not implemented in practice. That these ideas are reflective of our Christian community, as well as systems within our culture, makes me incredibly sad.

I wish I had a comprehensive answer for my questions. I don't. I do know that I choose to be a person that promotes change. I've silently called myself a feminist for quite a while. For me, acknowledging this description publicly allows me to challenge the status quo. In explaining myself to others, I challenge stereotypes and assumptions. It is simply my attempt to give a voice to upstream assumptions so critical to changing reality for both men and women, made in the image of our Creator God.

How about you? What are the upstream issues that concern you and what are you doing about it? I'd love to know.

Celebration of Love

2007-10-17T11:29:00.000-06:00

Today my husband and I celebrate nine years of marriage. To be quite honest, the last year has had some significant bumps in the midst of good times. The eight years before had their own issues as well. We are coming to understand each other as we are rather than the person we would like the other to be.

I've been reflecting on what it means to love in the context of marriage. While reading a book, Exiles, I came across a quote by Madeleine L'Engle that seems to describe love as I have come to understand it.

My love for my husband and his for me is in that unknown, underwater area of ourselves where our separations become something new and strange, merge and penetrate like the drops of water in the sea. But we do not lose our solitudes, our our particularity, and we become more than we could alone.

This is mystery. I cannot explain it. But I have learned that it makes up for our clashes, our differences in temperament, our angers, our withdrawals, our failures to understand.

No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again-till next time.

I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and be blessed.

Today we celebrate the blessing that comes with nine years of joys and failures, of fulfillment and disappointment, of unity and of seemingly uncompromising division. We celebrate the bravery in continuing to travel together. In that place we find the mystery, we find love, we find each other.

Happy Anniversary, Eddie. I love you.

UnChristian Meme

2007-10-11T22:08:00.000-06:00

I've been tagged by Happy on a new meme going around. (You can find out more about meme's in general and this on in particular at her site).

This meme is based on a book unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity...and Why It Matters.

The tasks for the meme are to note three negative stereotypes of Christians and then one thing for which Christians should be known for.

Negative Stereotypes

Christians don't care for the poor. (Notice I didn't say that they don't "think about"). I have found that Christians are better at talking about and giving money to the poor or those we consider in need in any variety of ways much more than we are willing to get involved in actual lives and care for these same people. I say "we" because I find a fair amount of fault in myself on this one.

Christians are not willing to engage in thoughtful intellectual discussion. I find this one especially the case in "hot topic" areas. It is much easier to slam the door on the discussion than to engage and think and reason through. My thought is that this has a lot to do with fear.

Christians' primary concerns are fighting abortion and homosexuality. These are both hot-button areas and as such tend to get a lot of attention from media. I think the perception can easily be these are the issues for Christians.

What Christians should be known for

The bringing about of God's shalom, God's amazing peace and wholeness, to all of creation.

I'm captivated by what shalom means in the Bible and what that should then mean to followers of Christ today. What would life be if we viewed ourselves as God's peace-makers, as creators of wholeness and rightness within our world. Not in the sense of conquering and teaching right ways to others, but in serving?

Now, I tag:

Katie
Brad
Pastor Jim

A Stranger Becomes a Friend

2007-09-21T21:31:00.000-06:00

I had to take my 3 year old daughter to the hospital for blood work and and x-rays associated with a sprained knee today. She's been limping for a week, so we figured it was time to make sure it wasn't something serious. She did great, especially since we ended up spending over three hours just waiting. We also received a good report, no inflammation and no break. Hurray!

While we were there, though, we met an amazing lady. "Miss Betty" came over to say hello after Elianna started grinning in her direction. Betty is probably in her early 70s. I was nervous when she came over. I don't feel like I measure up to the moms of my grandma's generation. I had nothing to fear, though. She was an absolutely lovely lady. When, in embarrassment, I mentioned that the blanket needed washed, she graciously replied that blankets aren't nearly as special when they're clean. As we continued our conversation, she shared that she worked for 17 years with the City of Denver as an advocate for women filing lawsuits associated with workplace discrimination. At the time, she needed to work as her husband was unable to support the family. She told me that she prayed that if she needed to work, she wanted to do something she was passionate about. She obviously found just that. Betty told me about what an amazing time it was working in that office; of the successes and the difficulty in some of the cases that didn't go so well.

We continued talking for a while. A stranger became a friend, if only for a few minutes in a hospital waiting room.

A Woman of Egypt

2007-09-16T14:42:00.001-06:00

I just finished reading an autobiography by Jehan Sadat, A Woman of Egypt. The book is the story both of her and her husband, Muhammed Anwar el-Sadat, President of Egypt from 1970 to his assassination in 1981.

It was a very interesting book. Both members of this couple have been heralded for being "ahead of their times." President Sadat began to seek peace with Israel on November 9, 1977. It was this day that Sadat offered to go to Jerusalem. The offer, an acknowledgment that Israel existed, was the beginning of the road to peace, one still unfinished. It was also the point at which ties with Egypt and other Arab states became strained. Ultimately the fundamentalist response to peace with Israel, added to other policies put in place by Sadat, culminated in his assassination in 1981.

Sadat was part of the revolution of 1952 in Egypt. He and the Free Officers peacefully overthrew the Egyption government under King Farouk. As Jehan reports in the book, it was at this point and in the coming months, that Egypt gained its independence for the first time since 522 B.C. when the Persians invaded. It was an amazing time for Egypt.

While the politics of Egypt, including those of her husband, guided much of the story of the book, Jehan Sadat has a quite a story herself. She was born in 1933 to an Egyptian father and British mother. She grew up in what would be considered middle class Egyptian society. As she grew, she developed two great loves. The first was for her faith, Islam. The second was her country.

It is these two loves the influence Jehan Sadat as her story unfolds. With a husband exhibiting similar passions, she is wholly supportive of her husband. She also develops her own areas of influence in the care of the needy and the rights of women. She feels strongly that both these areas are spoken of in the Quran and are essential for Islam.

Jehan saw first-hand the effect of the subjection of women in the rural villages of Egypt. The laws allowing the men to easily divorce their wives, along with the allowance of multiple wives, created an environment for women that was difficult at best. In order to assist women in supporting themselves, she founded the Talla Cooperative. Here women were trained to sew to support their families as well as to support one another. Jehan also established Madinat el-Wafa' wal Amal - The City of Faith and Hope. Originally established as a training center for the rehabilitation of soldiers wounded in fighting, its vision expanded to include special housing, office buildings, a hospital and a school for handicapped children. Jehan raised funds from around the world for this project. Even the United States contributed 6 Million Egyptian pounds after Jehan informed Henry Kissinger, Secretary of State at the time, that it was the American's support of Israel in the war of 1973 that wounded so many of the Egyptian forces.

It was the chapter on "Women in Islam" that most captured my thoughts. To her, the difference between moderate and fundamentalist Muslims is linked primarily to interpretation of the Quran. Jehan believes that the the inception of Islam was revolutionary towards women. The Quran forbade killing infant girls, gave women the right to equal education, to work and open their own businesses and the right to initiate legal action and buy and sell property. She evens states that limiting a man to 4 wives was a significant improvement for the point of time in which the Quran was written.

These beliefs led Jehan to fight for reformed Status Laws, laws the govern how family life happens. These reformed laws required men to notify their current wife if they were to marry another woman, required men to pay alimony and to leave the family home with the wife and children if they were to divorce her. It also provided an easier process for women to divorce their husbands, a process that was next to impossible without this change.

Islam fundamentalists felt that the changes in the Personal Status Laws was an attack on the family, the heart of Egyptian society. Sound familiar? Let me be clear, I think the fight for women's equality in the US is a whole different scenario than the same fight in the Middle East. Sadat does not speak at all about honor killings and only briefly about genital mutilation. What submission means in the US, for the most part, is wholly different than what it means in most Arab countries. I do think that it's interesting that those who interpret the Quran most conservatively have similar arguments for the subjection of women as do those who interpret the Bible most conservatively. Jehan Sadat interprets the Quran as liberating and uses this view to meet the needs of the least in society; the poor, women, children, the wounded. The fundamentalists, taking a conservative view of their religious text, worry about the letter of the law and in the process miss meeting the real needs of the people around them.

The question I can't help but ask myself is this, "When fighting for our beliefs becomes more important than loving people around us, do those beliefs mean anything at all?"

Funny Bumper Sticker

2007-09-06T17:17:00.000-06:00

I've been doing a lot of driving lately with 1st grade for my oldest and preschool for my middle kiddos. Thursdays are by far my most tedious driving days.

Some other minivan driver made all the driving much more bearable today. The van was plastered with numerous bumper stickers (just imagine the entire back-side of the van full). The one that made me laugh out loud said the following:

WHEN THE RAPTURE HAPPENS
CAN I HAVE YOUR CAR?

Not quite sure why it was so amusing, but I laughed for about 20 minutes straight!

Prayer Poem

2007-08-27T14:23:00.000-06:00

There's a synchroblog going on about prayer. A lot of the the posts are listed at the Emerging Women site.

I've struggled personally with prayer lately. Well, let me take that back...I've struggled with prayer for a long time. I grew up in a church where great prayers were prayed. Praying in tongues was preferred. If you were a good person, your prayers would result in Porsches, Jaguars, a big house and an affluent American lifestyle. (Too bad for my husband we don't still ascribe to that system...it would be a great excuse to go out today and finance a Porsche)!

When we left that church, I began questioning prayer. I began questioning how I use prayer.

More recently, when I try to talk to God, I hear voices. The voices tell that it's never long enough, I should do more, I should be more, I don't measure up to the lists of "right" and "wrong." Worst of all I cannot turn from the reality that my prayers don't seem to make much difference in my day to day choices. I still really stink at being a "good Christian."

In trying to express my struggle with prayer, I wrote the following poem. (Note: creative writing has never been my strength, but I've found some things are expressed so much better this way):

Prayer.
My hand reaching out
to touch Divine.
A soul entwined with breath, with hope, with life.

My spirit longs for this fulfillment,
then shies away.
What if I reach for God
and find not love, but proposition?
My fingers caress those of Creator and
acceptance fades away as an empty promise?
What if the life of freedom promised
becomes a cage, inextricable, inescapable?

I step back, frightened to
move forward.
A warm hand enfolds mine.

Freedom, love, peace touch me.

A Potter's Consideration

2007-08-26T16:26:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of Jeremiah 18, there is a story of the prophet being instructed by God to "go down to the potter's house." While there, Jeremiah sees the potter working at the wheel. The pot in his hands is marred, so the potter reshaped it into a form that was suitable in his eyes.

At that point, the word of the Lord comes to Jeremiah, "Can I not do with you, house of Israel, as this potter does?" God proceeds to tell the prophet that if he announces that a nation is to be destroyed, but the people clean up their act, then he will relent in the prescribed punishment. Likewise, if he has promised to bless a nation, but they do evil in his sight, then he will "reconsider the good I had intended to do for it."

Reading this section impressed upon me the responsiveness of God to humanity. The thought that my actions influence the Almighty is overwhelming to consider.

Our Pastor has made a commitment to seek God throughout the next 40 days. He's asked those of us that are willing to join him during this time. I am joining. Realizing the scripture above is directly addressing the nation of Israel, I have taken it on as my prayer for the next 40 days. I believe that as I personally seek God, that God will consider me. Also, as our church seeks God, God will consider us.

Girl Friends and Good Conversation

2007-08-23T22:13:00.001-06:00

I had a lot of fun tonight. Four friends and I met to discuss the book Colossians Remixed: Subverting the Empire. We had some great discussion, wonderful friendship building and an overall terrific evening.

CBE Recap

2007-08-14T19:49:00.000-06:00

I had the awesome opportunity to attend the Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) International Conference this weekend. This year the conference venue was here in Denver. I couldn't let them visit my city without attending!

I had several take-aways from the weekend.

The first was gratefulness for friendships. I met up with a group of ladies there, one of whom I met at the Emerging Women's Gathering outside Chicago this last March. Sara is a terrific person (and a wonderful advertisement for Bethel Seminary, by the way). She is also a brilliant woman who wrote and presented a paper on Job Daughter's that is quite challenging. Her friends, Teralyn and Liz were just as wonderful. I had a terrific time renewing a friendship and beginning more. Who knows when we might meet again!

I also had the opportunity to bask in the work of people who have given their lives toward the cause of gender justice. I met Alvera Mickelson. She described herself as a spritely 88 years. She reminded me so much of my own grandmother, and yet my Grandma does not have a view anywhere near Alvera's. Alvera was also quite a firecracker and a whole lot of fun to have in workshop sessions. For those of you unaware of Alvera Mickelson's work, just type in her name at amazon.com.

The conference, not surprisingly, was weighted heavier on women than men. But there was a pretty good representation of men. There was also reasonable representation of minority groups. It was definitely a conference-style, but they went out of their way to try to bring in different elements in the form of art and music. I also liked that besides focusing on gender equality, the theme of the conference was "Seeking Justice and Loving Mercy" and touched on other areas of justice as well.

I think my favorite speaker was Kevin G. Giles. His presentation on "The Eternal Subordination of the Son and the Permanent Subordination of Women" addressed a topic that often comes up in conversation in my realm of the world, at least when it comes to women's place in the home and the church. He had a powerful presentation and answered many of my own questions. And besides that, he was not politically correct about the current proposal submitted by Wayne Gruden concerning the eternal subordination of the Son. It was both an informative and fun workshop session.

Overall, my biggest take-away was history. I looked around the room and saw many, many people in the over-60 crowd. A large portion of these were the founders of CBE and fought for gender justice at a time when it was much more controversial than it is for me today. I am so blessed by the heritage they have left for me and others like me. Thank you to the many who have fought, who have considered the voices of women valuable and worth defending. Their vision and passion make me realize that I cannot let their vision die.

First Flight

2007-08-08T15:14:00.000-06:00

Earlier this summer I posted a picture of our Robin's nest. Well, back in early July, the nest took on a new tenant. A Morning Dove family decided the vacant home would work just fine for their new family. When my children and I did a bit of research on the Morning Dove, we found that they are not known for making good nests. We thought it was particularly interesting that rather than making their own poorly made nest, they would wisely use such a well-made abode!

Well, the baby of the family flew the nest this morning and we were there to watch it! The little one started flapping its wings and then pacing the brick ledge on which the nest is built. Unlike the Robins we've had in the past, the Morning Doves are very calm and I was able to get quite a few pictures without effecting their behavior. After I went back in, we watched the little bird fly from the ledge to the window sill right in front of us. The kids were in awe...as was I. Then, the baby joined her old brother on our sidewalk. Momma came around shortly to have a party, complete with a juicy worm to celebrate the day's accomplishment.

The feeding looked like all three birds were dancing together. They all faced into a circle. Then they crouched down with their beaks to the ground and quickly raised their heads together and then back down again. In the midst of this the momma would stick her thin beak down that of one of the babies. Absolutely fascinating!

What an amazing privilege to watch this fleeting moment with my children!

Haunted Hearts

2007-07-28T08:25:00.001-06:00

A couple months ago Eddie and I watched the movie, "Blood Diamond". Shortly after that, I came upon the website www.eyesondarfur.org and found out about a similar bloodshed happening in this area of Sudan.

This last week I read more about the crisis in Darfur in Michael Frost's book "Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture.". In it, he specifies that the ethnic conflict in Darfur should be particularly compelling to Christ followers. Besides the overall desire for justice that should be part of following Jesus, this horrendous conflict is a result of ethnic fighting between Muslims and Christians. The goal of much of this fighting is the elimination of Christians from the oil-rich southern area of Sudan. The war, the conflict, whatever this bloody mess is has killed over 200,000, displaced over 2 million Sudanese and 230,000 displaced from Darfur into Chad as well as 110,000 displaced Chadians. The numbers go on and the numbers are overwhelming. But then I really get overwhelmed. Much of the warfare is against civilians. Women are raped and brutalized, children are killed in front of their parents, food and water supplies are being targeted and families are left with just enough provisions to starve to death...slowly.

So, then, what do we do? Honestly, my first response is to dive into despair. How can I impact people a world away. How can I continue living in my middle-class white suburban home, buying groceries at the local grocery store and buying my kids back-to-school clothes? How can I celebrate my children's birthdays, lavishing them with gifts and eating cake with much too much sugar in it. How can I continue?

Then, last night I read an article by Lynn Hybels from Mutuality magazine. In it she talks about playing with her 4-month old grandson. In the midst of their play time, she remembers Grandmothers in Africa who cannot play with their grandchildren because they are so busy collecting firewood or trying to provide a living for these young children orphaned by the AIDS crisis in that country.

As she progresses in the article, she addresses despair at the hurt rampant in the world. She says, "There are two antidotes to despair. One is denial. Pretending you didn't see that pictures. Didn't here those screams. Didn't read that story. Or maybe you acknowledge the horror of what you saw or heard or read, but you pretend it's not your responsibility. There's nothing you can do. What difference can one person make? And where would you start anyway? Denial works. But it shrinks your heart. It makes you a little less human. It puts distance between you and God. The other antidote to despair is action - doing something, anything, to address the need."

I cannot change the world, but I can start making changes in my life. I can take action for those hurting. I can change my habits and thought patterns to be more attuned to and ready to act on the needs around me.

Lynne Hybels says toward the end of her article something that made sense to me. She said, "I long for you - and me - to celebrate every day the joys of new babies and stuffed animals and swim meet victories and family love. But I also long for us to let our celebrations be a bit haunted by the desperate needs of our sisters and brothers around the world."

I long for a haunted heart.

Vacation

2007-07-17T20:46:00.000-06:00

We had a quick little vacation over the weekend. We took the kids camping for the first time. Eddie and I both grew up camping, but I had little desire to take crawling children camping, so we have been out of the camping picture for the last six years. We had a great time. The kids had a ball exploring, digging in the dirt, eating s'mores and just being kids. Eddie and I realized this is a lot of work with kids!

Elianna with a cheeky grin

Aaron & Nate on our hike up the Elk trail at Golden Gate State Park

Very cool tree we saw on our hike

Wild flowers on the hike

This was a really cool sanctuary created next to our tent area.

What Does it Take to Change?

2007-07-12T16:26:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine challenged me today as to whether the knowledge of the love of Christ actually changes the behavior of individuals.

As I've been dwelling on this question, I couldn't help but think of a poem I recently read recently in a terrific book, Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture by Michael Frost (co-author of The Shaping of Things to Come, also an excellent book.)

The poem is a call to reckless courage; to stand up against the injustice inherent in our world. (The poem can be found on pages 20 & 21 of the book)

What is, therefore, the task of the preacher (or church) today?
Shall I answer: "Faith, hope and love"?
That sounds beautiful.
But I would say - Courage.
No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth.
Our task today is recklessness.
For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature,
we lack a holy rage.

The recklessness that comes from the knowledge of God and humanity.
The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the street...
and when the lie rages across the face of the earth -
a holy anger about things that are wrong in the world.
To rage against the ravaging of God's earth,
and the destruction of God's world.
To rage when little children must die of hunger,
when the tables of the rich are sagging with food.
To rage at the senseless killing of so many,
and against the madness of militaries.
To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of
destruction - Peace.
To rage against complacency.
To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change
human history until it conforms with the norms of the Kingdom of
God.
And remember the signs of the Christian Church have always been -
The Lion, the Lamb, the Dove and the Fish...
but never the chameleon.

This poem inspires me, but the real test of inspiration is change. Does it arouse me enough to transform my behavior?

I've read a lot of stuff lately that has challenged me and poked holes in ideas and philosophies I've always held to. I'm inspired to change and yet the fact is that my behavior today is not significantly different than it was this time last year...or the year before. I feel like I approach the line of change, touch it with the tip of my toe, and then move back again, frightened of moving outside what I know. I become anxious when I consider change. My natural self pushes back when my lifestyle feels as if it is being squished or pulled into a new shape, a new form.

What must I do to take those necessary steps...to become reckless? Here are a couple thoughts that come to my mind:

1. I have to understand the recklessness of Christ's love for me. The radical nature of his sacrifice and the work of God through history to reconcile relationships between humanity and God is both overwhelming and challenging in its scope. There's no way when you spend time considering that type of love that you cannot also recognize that it calls for a change in you. That doesn't necessarily make the change easier, but it certainly makes it more difficult to ignore.
2. I have to make a commitment and share it with someone who will hold me accountable. I've learned I can talk big, but the fact is if I don't follow these steps, my words are full of emptiness.
3. I have to honor and celebrate the small steps. I find it easy to discount the small changes because I have not yet attained the end goal. But even the smallest of changes alter my overall trajectory. In the book, "Exiles", Frost talks about what he calls "New Realists". These folks understand that much of their lives appear as a hypocrisy, but they also recognize that awareness and ongoing change is the goal.

Today I recognize some small changes. I'm volunteering at a booth for the local Women's Crisis Center in a few weeks. I started making my own bread a couple weeks ago so that I could afford organic bread. My children and I are talking about what it means to serve Jesus. I'm paying attention to where the clothing I am purchasing is made. These are small steps. They are not changing the world. But they are steps I need to make and I celebrate them and thank God for moving in my heart to coax me out of a place of comfort into these steps on the journey.

Pouting Girl

2007-07-01T07:50:00.000-06:00

We purchased a slip and slide for the kids this weekend. Our oldest was all over it and apparently aquainted with the joys of sliding through cold water on a hot day. Our younger two took a while longer to "warm up" to the idea.

At some point during our backyard outing, our daughter was told "no" for something...I really can't remember what. Here's her response. She makes me laugh. You can tell by the sparkle in her eyes that the pouting is a bit fun for her.

Living Water

2007-06-22T13:47:00.000-06:00

I've started reading through the book of Jeremiah. I generally haven't been an Old Testament kind of girl, but my interested was peaked not so long ago when I met with Helene Dallaire, Associate Professor of Old Testament at Denver Seminary.

Since speaking with her, I've been pondering the literature of the Old Testament and the story that unfolds amongst the Hebrew people. I'm considering studing Old Testament...whenever I actually start an MDiv or Masters in Biblical Studies.

As I was reading the second chapter of Jeremiah this morning, I couldn't help but feel as if Jeremiah's words to the Israelites were spoken to my heart as well. I particularly like verse 13, which says,

"My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

In this first part of Jeremiah, the prophet is sharing God's thoughts to the Israelites regarding their behavior, primarily the fact that rather than trusting the living God who has brought them powerfully out of Egypt, they continue to choose other gods, gods described as worthless.

As I read this verse, I had to ask the age-old question, "Why?" Why, when a living, powerful God has been evident in the life of a community or an individual, does the heart so easily turn back to trusting something false and worthless? Why do we exchange the glory of God for the nakedness of self-reliance or the temporary feeling of control?

I think the question boils down to the fact that trusting God in the midst of real-life circumstances moves from a theoretical exercise to one of stark reality. Reality can be hurtful, painful and feel very much outside our control. Our human tendency is to panic, to grasp for that control. The immediate response is to move away from a cosmic, supernatural God to one that we can more easily (at least in our very human perception) control.

In the verse above, God is saying to his people, through Jeremiah, that they have committed two sins. They have turned away from their source and then attempted to dig their own well. They want to provide for themselves. But, by attempting to provide for themselves, they bask in their own brokenness. They drink from damaged, leaky containers.

Of course, when I read this verse, I immediately thought of Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman. John 4 tells the story of Jesus asking this woman, a reviled Samaritan, for a drink from her cup. She responds with a question, why would Jesus, a Jew, drink from her cup, tainted as it was from her religious, cultural background. Jesus responds by saying that if she knew who she was talking to, she would ask him and he would give living water. Their reparte continues for a few verses until Jesus says, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (TNIV)

The question, I think, is one of Lordship. When I try to dig my well, to control and provide for myself, I will have water, but from a leaky container. It will take work and my thirst will not be met, the water will be stale. When I take my hands off and choose to allow God to work in my life, there is the promise of a spring of living water. There is a richness of refreshing in this image. Cool, fresh, clear water. Water that "wells" up. It can't be stopped by holding your hand over it. It will gush. Theoretically, I think of an ideal life. Practically, I know this stream will look different. There is no promise of an ideal life. There is this promise of living water. No longer am I drinking from that damaged container, but there is welling up inside me water to meet my thirst.

I don't have three steps to how this works or what it looks like in practice. I do offer this prayer, "Lord, teach us to drink from your living water, from your wholeness rather than our own brokenness."

Pool Day

2007-06-21T21:16:00.000-06:00

We spent the afternoon at the pool with friends today. I can tell my little family is growing.

My oldest swam his little heart out...all by himself. He's very cautious, but is getting more and more comfortable with his skills. It's so fun to watch him.

My middle kiddo had the help of a life vest. The boy is really a fish with lungs. From his first step into the pool, he grins (not smiles, mind you). It took him about 10 minutes to figure out how to swim with the vest on. From then on, he'd jump in, pop up with a sparkle in his eyes and a bit of pool snot running down onto his grinning lips. He'd swim to the side and do it all over.

My littlest floated around the pool like the queen of sheba in her floaty. About half way through she decided she wanted to play with the boys. She's so independent. I had to keep my eye on her like hawk because she wanted nothing to do with mama's helping.

I had a really great time with my kids. I love days like today.

Heavy Heart

2007-05-27T22:33:00.000-06:00

Sometimes life just really stinks...at least within our very human point of view. Now is one of those times in my life. Unfortunately, it's also that way in the lives of many I love.

Almost three weeks ago I spent several hours with my brother. My sister-in-law and I tried every method we could to convince him to ride home with us. The weather for the evening was perfect. Rain was coming down thick and heavy and it was cold. I shivered in the back seat. Maybe that didn't have to do with the weather, though.

I have never experienced anything quite like that night. In my brother's cycle of addiction, I'd always managed to have some excuse for him. Either the situation was really tough, his pain level was high, he didn't feel appreciated, etc, etc. In the midst of this, I knew he needed to make the right decisions, but I think I also glossed over much of the cycle as I didn't get it...or didn't want to.

This night was different, though. I experienced the crisis with my brother and sister-in-law rather than hearing about it later.

I had prayed with my brother earlier in the evening. I knew he was struggling, but didn't realize the degree. I wish he would have told me. I wish he would have allowed me to help...

I wish he would have allowed one of us to drive him home. We gave him the keys, thinking that by then he was sober enough to drive. My sister-in-law drove up on the accident. She called sobbing. She was afraid he was gone, forever. He made it through the accident with just a few scrapes. The consequences go much deeper than the scratches on his face, though.

I love my brother. He is my friend. We've spent hours at a time talking theology and church practice. We've encouraged each other, prayed for each other, shared our dreams and grown together. I see so much potential in my brother. He has an amazing vision and is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. He is an alcoholic, but that is by far not who he really is. It's just so difficult to see through the effects of the addiction. It feels like he's in a cage and we can't get to him. We can't pull him out.

I want to pull him out. If I could figure out a way, I would. I know that this is his battle to fight, though. I don't know how to help, or even if I can. I wish this next bit were going to be easy. My prayer is for each one of us, and specifically for my brother, that God's hand is on us, guiding us and providing his wisdom in each step we take as well as each step we don't take.

Aaron Appleseed

2007-05-24T22:25:00.001-06:00

My parent's are moving out to Denver in less than a month (hurray)! They are moving from a house built in 1972 which has full-grown apple trees just outside the back door. Every time we go visit them, the kids enjoy watching the birds that congregate around the trees. And of course, picking apples off the trees in Fall is a favorite. The house they are moving to is only 5 years old and is lacking anything near these mature trees and the habitat they've provided for the local birds.

For the last month or so my oldest son, Aaron, who just turned 6 last Saturday, has been collecting all the seeds from his apples and putting them in a little piece of pottery he made at school this year.

Earlier this week, I overheard him talking to a friend and share that he has been collecting the seeds so that Nana & Papa can plant apple trees at the new house because he knows they'll miss home with their apple trees and birds.

Now, isn't that incredibly thoughtful?